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The Haven

Some Current Events Jokes To Kick Off 2023!

Jokes about the news, volume… I wanna say, six, maybe?

New bad year, same bad headlines!

Long time readers of my column here on Medium are likely familiar with my brand of sardonic humor regarding the incessant slew of wacky antics cha-cha sliding across my news feed. Last year I started a series of posts poking fun at the news, in the style of a late night monologue or raving madman muttering to his dog outside the local gas station.

You can catch the first five volumes of the series here!

But enough about the tired, cranky, antiquated headlines of yesteryear. It’s time to look forward to a whole new era of absurdity, such as…

An insider from the Biden administration reports that nuclear launch codes were left behind at a Denny’s counter.

Republicans are speculating that Biden left the documents as a tip on his Grand Slamwich meal.

Officials from Poland are answering Kyiv’s pleas for Western-made heavy machinery by sending battle tanks to Ukraine, with talks of Lil Yachty potentially bringing the Wock.

The FDA has granted accelerated approval to an experimental Alzheimer’s drug, and don’t you forget it!

A classroom of over 400 students organized to make the substitute teacher cry over the course of 15 class sessions. Class clown elected “Head Dunce.”

The oldest living Pearl Harbor survivor just turned 105. Rumor has it, they’re throwing him a surprise party.

After being stranded by SouthWest airlines over the holidays, an Oregon family opted to spend $4,000 on a multi-day road trip to get back home.

This is the most recent in a centuries old string of dysentery deaths to plague the Oregon trail.

FBI Investigator says alledged Idaho murders suspect Bryan Kohberger made ‘every mistake’ a murderer could make. But an analyst from the CIA thinks he could have done it much worse.

Putin snaps in recorded meeting with ministers, causing them to begin harmonizing like a barbershop quartet.

The FDA has granted accelerated approval to an experimental Alzheimer’s drug, and don’t you forget it!

The oldest soda in the world is still around today! But experts suggest it’s most likely gone flat.

Art gallery owner hoses down homeless woman on the street in a shocking and moving installation of class warfare. The artist is set to receive a Pulitzer prize this Summer.

If you enjoyed any of these jokes, why wait for more? You can purchase high quality comedy content directly from my Fiverr page at shockingly low rates!

Alternatively, you could subscribe to my mailing list to get these jokes sent directly to your inbox, free of charge!



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TeeJay Small

Retired baby, alive from natural causes, secretly 3 comedic influences in a trench coat