Some Vain tweets to a Girl Named ‘Carly’

Scott Stavrou
Aug 28, 2017 · 3 min read

or ‘What if Everything IS About Him?

The super-secret, private never-before-seen twitter feed of a girl named Carly:

Who should I sing about?

@CarlySings Bought fetching new hat AND matching apricot scarf today for exclusive boat party I’m attending this evening. Can’t Wait!
#DressedtoKill #LoveMyLife #Rockingthe Boat

#DressedtoKill #IsItWrongtoLookThisGood?

@CarlySings Learned how to say ‘gavotte’ — as well as all the steps. Very French, very suave, suits me. May gavotte up gangplank! Girls will be lining up to dance with me tonight while I ride the waves. Can you say ‘crowd-surf’?
#GirlsDreamofBeingMyPartner #GotTheMoves

@CarlySings So proud of myself for today’s shopping and tonight’s party. It’s like I hear my own theme song everywhere I go. I do, don’t I? Don’t I?#SongsAboutMe #IamtheMusic

@CarlySings Killer boat party. Rocked it. Stopped for coffee on way home. It was cloudy, what’s up with that? Music followed me. It’s like I’m center of the world!
#LivingtheDream #CloudyCoffee

@CarlySings Big news! Remember that horse I bought from you? You’ll never believe it but guess what? ‘Hot Arrogance’ WON Saratoga Stakes. Big Money! From nags to riches, baby. Sorry you missed it!
#LifeintheWinnersCircle

Breaking: Hot Arrogance WINS Saratoga Stakes! From nags to Riches!

@CarlySings Guess what? Total eclipse of the sun visible from Canada! Lear fueled, liquor cabinet STOCKED, I”m STOKED. Wheel’s up in 5. Sorry you can’t make it. Nova Scotia here I come!
#ChasingtheSun #LivingMyBestLife

@CarlySings True confession: Remember my pal, Chad? Dude who’s always jet-setting around the world? I think he’s involved in something. He’s very mysterious lately. Spy?
#CoolLifeCoolFriends #OnTopofUnderworld

@CarlySings Never guess who called me last night. Chad’s wife. He’s a good friend but if he’s spending all his time in Hong Kong and Havana, what’s a guy to do, amirite?
#SorryChad #CloseFriends #WifeofaCloseFriend

@CarlySings Home chilling. Perfect day, all about me. Join in? Wanna come over? I’ll a muse you, maybe you wanna sing? Don’t you, don’t you? #Anticipation #NobodyDoesItBetter #WhoAmI

If you have a song playing in your head, it’s best to clap along.

Or for more fun with good music gone bad:
Hemingway rewrites ‘Don’t Stop Believin’: A Journey of Belief

or Philip Marlowe & The Piano Man Case: Sings us a song, Piano Man

The Haven

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Scott Stavrou

Written by

Author of Losing Venice, a novel (May, 2018) | American living in Europe | PEN Hemingway Award | Writer, Teacher | http://bit.ly/LosingVenice

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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