Sorry Dearie, I Had To Run Your Car Off The Road. You Neglected To Wave “Thank You” After Merging.
Enough of this pouting. I barely ran you off the road!
Knock knock! Could you roll down your window? Oh, don’t be afraid of me — I’m old enough to be your grandmother. Sweetie, I only ran your car off the road so that we could discuss the kerfuffle we had a bit ago.
What kerfuffle, you bleepity bleep? Well, you don’t need to use such language! I’ll let that go because I’ve always been so patient with you youngins. Speaking of patient, do you recall trying to merge onto the highway about ten minutes ago? As you can attest, the highway was crammed as canned bread for a Tuesday afternoon, but I was in no rush because I leave the house five hours before my weekly podiatry appointment. You though, you seemed to be in a panic, so I went above and beyond my civic duty and allowed you to merge.
I suppose it never occurred to you that you were actually the second person I allowed to merge. I could have let you stall out at the on-ramp, but I saw your sad little — what’s this kind of car anyways — a Ford Pinot? Oh, a Porsche! Fancy!
Why did I run you off the road? Is there cotton in your ears, hon? I’ll say it again — I allowed not one, but two drivers ahead of me! Now, the first driver followed the rules of civility, they waved “thank you.” However, you neglected to wave. You simply drove off in your little sporty car without a care in the world.
Am I expecting a “thank you” for running your car off the road? Don’t be silly, I just explained that I’m simply due a “thank you” wave for the highway merge. Now, if you could demonstrate the wave, I’ll provide my insurance information and you can be on your way.
No, that’s not a hand gesture I can accept! Please, put the bird down.
You refuse to perform a “thank you” wave? Well then, it appears we have ourselves a second kerfuffle! I’m being incredibly reasonable!
I can stand here all day until you come to your senses. You see, my podiatrist has a very forgiving cancellation policy. I am quite forgiving as well, as long as I get what’s due—a “thank you” wave.
You’ll ram your Porsche into my car until you are free? Well, that is certainly an interesting idea! Though my Oldsmobile may not be much to look at, it’s 100% steel, and I’m afraid your little can of sardines wouldn’t fare well.
Enough of this pouting. I barely ran you off the road! Buck up kiddo. Give me that wave of gratitude and we can go our separate ways.
Am I really going to pay for your car’s bodywork? Of course! I am a woman of my word. We have a verbal agreement here, and much like the social contract that is waving “thank you” to drivers who allow you to merge into their lane, that must be honored!
Maybe this will give you some assurance: I have exceptional collision coverage. One benefit of being an older woman is that insurance companies believe I’m the least dangerous thing on the road [cackles]. Oh, pardon me, but you cannot imagine the kerfuffles I’ve persisted through at my age. My memory isn’t what it used to be, but I believe you’re the seventh car I’ve run off the road this month!
So, how about showing me your nice little “thank you” wave?
