Stand For Anything
Trumpster Huckster, Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced early today that President Trump is currently making plans he calls “Tremendous, GREAT plans” to surround Puerto Rico with a wall to keep out “Ocean Water. Big Water.”
All week, tweets leaking from the White House like a Russian Hooker chugging gallons of watered down Trump vodka have hinted about the new project.
With the kind of clarity and precision Trump’s tweets have become well known for among reporters and pundits alike, two verbatim tweets on Tuesday revealed:
“Stand up! Anthem, Flag. America First, keep OUT Puerto Ricans. Sad Corker. Fake News!”
And
“They owe us $. Not grateful for excellent paper towel rescue. Sad. Save our Guns! Building wall, even tho, NO real cat toss trophy…Also, NFL hates America.”
Asked to try to clarify Trump’s position, Sanders said that the president “stands by his own remarks.”
“But, is this about the NFL protests, or the border wall with Mexico?” Asked the Washington Post.
“What about Cats? Are they next?” Asked a hep cat from Politico.
“Yes.” Said Sanders, “The president will stand by his remarks and is seeking ways to not only build a Mexican wall, but another wall around Puerto Rico now that he understands — he understands this very well — what an Island is… You, in the blue suit, you had a question?”
Melissa Mills from CNN asked whether the president had any comments regarding the Harvey Weinstein harassment scandal. Sanders replied that the president had been very “transparent” in his Monday tweets.
Sanders appeared to be referring to a tweet from 2 a.m. Monday which read:
“Rated PG, for Parental guide ants? Or Pussy Grabs? GREATest Respect, Sir. Maybe U can work here??”
As Sanders closed the press conference, she said:
“It’s important that we all stand for America. And for what America stands for — and can stand. The President feels very strongly about this. We must all stand for something or we will fall like…”
“Like Vegas concert goers?” Heckled a particularly insensitive reporter.
“We must all stand — not kneel — for flags that represent justice — mores-so than for justice itself,” Said Sanders, who when pushed for further explanation added:
“There is no better way to respect our nation than to just stand around with thoughts and prayers. Pray for guns that heal, not guns that kill…Like nukes. And flying to Big sports events to stand for something when people are obviously standing up for what they believe. But it’s wrong…”
“What!??” called out Senator Bob,“Little Corker”, who had been standing at the back.
Patiently waiting for a chance to distance himself from the 2016 election where he stood up for Trump, Senator Corker of Tennessee yelled out “What about world war three? Who will take a stand? WHO will mind the adult Day Care?”
Ignoring the outburst, Sanders continued. “What I mean is… What people who disagree with President Trump are, is Wrong. Because this country is founded on strong borders and obeying orders.”
As a confused and disgruntled Senator Corker was led from the room by security, his voice trailed off, “But I had a good joke there. You gotta stand up for a hot snap like that? Right?”
There was much commotion and dismay as chaos engulfed the floor.
“Did you get those comments on tape? Did I hear that right?” Asked several in attendance.
“I got it all on tape. Trump wants to build a wall around Puerto Rico, fire peaceful protestors, convince people he is more patriot than *&$#@$! moron, and honor anyone who understands that women, minorities and Puerto Ricans are not true Americans…”
“Does he know women and minorities — but unfairly, not Puerto Ricans — can vote?”
“Ms. Sanders, does POTUS know he promised improved healthcare?”
“Does he know that some gun owners murder people?” Asked a New York Times representative.
“Does the first amendment trump the second amendment?” Asked another.
“Does anyone have an ibuprofen?” Asked everyone who attended.
ooooh, ooooooooh, please share and like me, because MAGA! -Alex Francis
