“Stay At Home” Orders for Dummies: How To Tell If You Are At Home
A Beginner’s Guide and FAQ
In an effort to slow the spread of COVID-19, the federal government has recommended that the population follow “social distance” guidelines for at least another month. Many states and local governments have implemented “Stay at Home” orders to render these guidelines enforceable. Apparently remaining at home is a novel concept to some people, as nationwide cellphone data shows that many are struggling to comply with these orders.
There’s no need to fret! I, a seasoned veteran in the art of not moving around very much, am here to answer any and all questions you may have about how to remain in your dwelling for the duration of this pandemic. Specifically, I want to help answer the question on everyone’s mind …
How To Tell If I’m At Home
The CDC, in their hubris, has neglected to inform the populace of what “home” is. How can you remain there if you’re unsure where it is? Here are some simple guidelines and common pitfalls you may encounter in determining if you are sheltering in the correct place.
- There a ton of people around me, drinking alcohol and talking loudly about off-color topics. Several people in identical polo shirts are singing some sort of birthday song to a frightened child…
