Good Dating Advice
Storytelling 202: How To Eliminate Your ‘Ex’ From The Story
The art of not hurting your new significant other’s feelings.
No one wants to hear you blather on about your ‘ex’. You may not even know you’re doing it. Your experiences may have been intertwined with one person for years. But here’s the deal, we don’t really care to hear about it.
Everyone seems to want their new partners to have Emotional Intelligence. The people that keep taking about their ‘ex’ all the time seem to lack this EI. It can hurt others’ feeling when you keep bringing up someone else. It may show you’re not ready for this current relationship. It may also show, you’re clueless, cruel or rude. Depending who you ask.
Once you’ve dedicated yourself to commit to this new storytelling style, we’ll help you omit people from the story.
Helping Your New Selective Storytelling Style
Omitting the Significant Other (Travel)
You may tell a simple story like this:
‘My ex-boyfriend and I went to Niagara Falls, and it was amazing! There’s so much water!’
What do we need to know? YOU think Niagara Falls was amazing. You were also impressed at all of the water flowing over The Falls.
Now try:
‘I went to Niagara Falls, and it was amazing! There’s so much water!’
That’s all we need to know. And you can still convey that you were here.
Omitting the Significant Other (Food)
You may tell a simple story like this:
‘My ex-girlfriend kept bugging me to get lobster, so I actually tried it once. And it was good!)
If you’re conveying you had good food, just leave it at that. Or, are you trying to say your girlfriend is a nag, because she kept ‘bugging’ you? This may be a slippery slope. Maybe you never took her out, and this is the one time you did. Bad-mouthing an ‘ex’ can backfire too.
If you’re just talking with someone about the food experience you had, stick to that conversation.
Now try:
‘I actually tried lobster once, and it was good!’
Now you’ve shown that you eat more than burgers, and you didn’t bring up any messy feelings or put-downs into it.
Omitting the embarrassing moment
You may tell a simple story like this:
‘I went to the club, and my ‘ex’ was there. He/She/They was such a stalker! I had to get out of there.’
This may show you still might be traveling in the same circles as your ‘ex’. Or, your ‘ex’ isn’t over you, and knows where you go. This may not be reassuring to your new partner. If you truly don’t want to hang out with your ‘ex’ and you care of your new S.O.’s feelings then try:
‘I went to the club recently, and it felt like everyone there is a stalker! I had to get out of there.’
This may also be reassuring to your new partner, knowing that your Clubbing Phase may be coming to an end.
Your New Life With Your Old Experiences
Your new life is now underway, with your new partner. You’ve now shown you’ve lived, but you’ve cut out an unnecessary part of the story — your ‘ex’.
Others may read this and think, only an insecure person may care about hearing about previous partners. But my research is sound. It happens across all genders.
Your goal in your new relationship is to make new experiences and stories together. You can bring up another person, if someone asks. Others may be fascinated. Wait for that green light.
Until then, scan your stories for any key words that may hinder the message. Analyze yourself and think, will this make my partner comfortable or uncomfortable?
Now — let’s all have a good laugh together.
[Author’s Note: If you still break up with your new partner after trying this, at least your tried. This is merely a technique to improve kindness, thoughtfulness & morale.]
