Supply Chain Issues Impacting International Space Station
Station Nearly Down to Zero Gravity
Market volatility and delivery problems have resulted in critically low gravity on the International Space Station. In today’s briefing at the Kennedy Space Center, NASA Flight Manager Leonard Kirkland first described the station’s low gravity as, “serious but still within operational parameters.” Under questioning, however, he admitted that conditions on the station are now, “pretty floaty.”
The station first entered orbit over 20 years ago full gravitated, with crewmembers able to conduct experiments and trip over things in near Earth-like conditions. When asked how the station could run out of artificial gravity, Kirkland clarified that, “Gravity on the ISS is actual gravity, maintained by storage of gravity-dense materials.” Kirkland was then asked for specifics regarding the materials in question.
“Fruitcake,” Kirkland replied. “Gravity is supplied to the ISS via eight pairs of vault array panels, capable of storing up 22,000 fruitcake units.”
Scientists have long known that a ball dropped on Earth will fall at 9.8m/s², but will accelerate twice as fast when dropped on a fruitcake. Galileo’s fabled experiments involving dropping balls of different mass from a tower were inexplicably never performed over fruitcake. During the Great Ball Shortage of 1692, Isaac Newton found that a falling apple had little gravitational force, until compacted into his sister-in-law’s Heidelberg loaf. Fruitcake is now recognized as one of the most gravity-rich materials on Earth.
“It’s different from mass or density,” Kirkland explained. “When you eat a steak and gain weight, that’s mass. When you eat fruitcake and can’t get out of your chair, that’s gravity.”
Resupply to the station has been disrupted for months following recent acquisitions of Harry & David and the Georgia Fruitcake Company by investment firms that saw the opportunity for introducing graft and inefficiency in the industry. Gravity futures were down following the move. Meanwhile, NASA’s much anticipated “FruitBasket”, an SLS sidecar vehicle designed by federal contract low bidder BaseX, detonated forty-three seconds after launch. The resulting hundred-mile Panforte debris field surrounding the White Sands Proving Ground was described as, “delicious, but disappointing.”
Kirkland said that the space agency was meeting the challenges until regular shipments are restored but acknowledged the difficulties. “We have supplemented as best we can with shipments of entrees from Cracker Barrel and The Cheesecake Factory, but these do not stow as efficiently. Also, dozens of biscuits and Red Velvet slices on the manifest are now unaccounted for.”
On the station, gravity-intensive activities such as juggling, Pilates and the monthly caber toss have been curtailed to conserve available gravity. The crew’s spirits remain high. Station Commander Beth Arsenault reports on-orbit status as nominal and states that engineers and mission specialists are continuing duties and experiments as planned. “This isn’t our first rodeo,” she adds, “that we’ve had to cancel. Off the record¹, morale was a lot lower last year when that investment firm started charging for our oxygen up here. No one’s ever run out — we do ‘ozone loans’ between us if someone gets low — but it’s just the principal of the thing.”
¹Off the Record — Statement made in confidence, then published as quickly as possible by a reporter who trusts that the reader will ignore it.
