Swiffer And Playboy Dust Bunny Caught In Backroom Sex Scandal

via Wikimedia

An alleged affair between P&G Swiffer and a Playboy Dust Bunny has shaken the home cleaning industry, threatening to tarnish Swiffer’s squeaky clean image. One industry insider, who asked not to be identified, expressed doubt that Swiffer could recover from the damage done to his once spotless career. “Frankly, I think he’s washed up,” the insider admitted.

Right wing activist, Mr. Clean, broke the story published in The L.A. Rag after Swiffer and Dust Bunny were seen clinging to each other at a Hollywood bar. Neither Swiffer nor Dust Bunny would comment on the story, calling the allegations, “Fake news!”

Two eyewitnesses reported the incident to Mr. Clean on the condition they remain anonymous. Only known to others involved in the story as “those two nosey people.” They reportedly told Mr. Clean they saw Swiffer and Dust Bunny “Making out in a booth, totally blotted, while polishing off Lysol shots, then later slipped off to a room in the back.”

According to several sources in janitorial circles, the affair began last fall shortly after Dust Bunny was seen fleeing from the Playboy Mansion following a brush with Hefner’s broom.

Local authorities confirmed that “Hefner’s neighbor had called police after Bunny was seen being chased by the broom; the broom was picked up for questioning and later released in a pail. The broom’s lawyer vowed to clear its name, assuring reporters, “They won’t find any dirt on him.”

Dust Bunny's friend and confidante, Letta Lint, told The L.A. Rag that “Dusty” met Swiffer at the Downtown Muck Club on Hollywood Boulevard after the incident with Hefner’s broom. “They’ve been together ever since,” she revealed in the interview. “You could clearly see that she was stuck on him.”

Swiffer’s publicist was not available for comment because her lips were sealed, literally. During fat reduction surgery, her mouth was accidentally stapled shut instead of her bowels. Since her release from the hospital, the publicist has been tight-lipped about the surgery as well as the Swiffer/Dusty love affair.

When Hugh Hefner was asked about the Swiffer scandal, while exiting a Beverly Hills cryogenic lab, his head suddenly melted in the sun, leaving a puddle of face beneath his hat. The hat was unable to respond to reporters’ questions.

A follow up story on Swiffer and Dusty vacationing at a Costa Rica resort was corroborated by Dusty confidante Letta Lint. She confirmed that “The two had rented a bungalow to wipe the slate clean, following a highly publicized dust up in an aisle at a cleaning supply store. Swiffer had called Bunny ”a piece of smut whore” after he saw her latching onto a mop.

Offers are pouring in from Hollywood studios for a movie deal about the affair. Swiffer’s publicist wasn’t available to confirm or deny the reports. She was in surgery having her bowels stapled and the ones in her lips removed.

According to the L.A. Rag, Swiffer and Dusty are still a hot item despite the earlier blow up in the cleaning supply store. “They’ve already outlasted the “best by date,” a close friend of the couple said.

A spokesperson for Procter & Gamble refused to comment on whether P&G planned to renew Swiffer’s contract, which is slated to expire later this year.

Follow Lauren on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thinkspin
Follow the Circus in Lauren’s Head at Think Spin

This post originally appeared on Think Spin.