T-Rump Destroys DC
Drumpf’s metamorphosis baffles scientists
Drumpf’s rage built throughout the day following the mid-term elections. He raged against the media, calling a female black reporter “racist,” had the microphone forcibly removed from CNN reporter Jim Acosta’s hand, and shouted down another black female reporter as “rude.” He even threatened to investigate Democrats who exercised oversight responsibility.
All of this while declaring the elections had been a total victory, and that he won “every election he wanted to win.” Which led him to vent against House Republicans who lost, blaming them for not embracing his help. “The House Republicans whimpered like the pussies they are and the nation pissed on them. Senator’s sucked my cock, I campaigned for them and every Democrat I campaigned against lost. ”
As soon as he said the words, newly re-elected Montana Senator John Tester, who Drumpf dedicated several rallies to defeating, laughed out loud.
When questioned about the Special Counsel investigation, he declared he could shut it down at any time, and proceeded to shut it down by firing Attorney General Jeff Sessions within hours after the conference. He then removed Acosta’s press credentials for “molesting an innocent intern,” and fired half of his staff for allowing the Democratic victories in the house “while he was saving the Senate.”
Drumpf fired half of his staff for allowing the Democratic victories in the house “while he was saving the Senate.”
He followed the mass firings with a mass Tweet storm claiming Mexico is conspiring with Democrats to invade the country, Democratic women are “praying (sic) on men with #MeToo,” Robert Mueller paid the Democrats to win so he could investigate Mueller, Democratic women secretly kill their male companions and eat their flesh, and Robert Mueller is conspiring with Mexico to burn rural America to the ground.
Aides claim to have heard a rumbling in the Oval Office bathroom after the 27th Tweet in ten minutes, and then the walls began to shake. At five minutes after three, Drumpf burst through the White House walls, transformed into Drumpfasaurus, a giant prehistoric lizard reminiscent of Godzilla.
At five minutes after three, Drumpf burst through the White House walls, transformed into Drumpfasaurus, a giant prehistoric lizard reminiscent of Godzilla.
He stormed to the National Archives and smashed them to rubble, ripping the Constitution from the frame in which it was displayed, chewing it to pulp and spitting it onto fleeing Democrats. From there he stormed to the Capitol building which he stomped to bits. He followed by tramping a path to the coast where he disappeared into the Atlantic.
Members of the GOP gathered with Democrats at the destroyed Capitol building, joined hands and prayed Drumpf would never return. Alas, staff members alerted the Senate that he was hack on his throne, human again and Tweeting shortly after six p.m.
Members of the GOP gathered with Democrats at the destroyed Capitol building, joined hands and prayed Drumpf would never return. Alas, staff members alerted the Senate that he was hack on his throne, human again and Tweeting shortly after six p.m.
Georgetown and George Washington University scientists arrived on scene to study Drumpf’s transformation but had no explanation. “We know he prefers science fiction to science, but we never believed he could become an extinct monster. Then again, we never believed he would rip the Constitution to shreds before he became a reptile.”
Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:
- Allan Ishac
- Steven Rouach
- The White House Log, a roundup of my reporting.
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
