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“Take My Ovaries. Please”

Catherine Durkin Robinson
The Haven
Published in
2 min readOct 5, 2023

Vicodin, stool softeners, and paper underwear make everything fun.

photo by author

Receptionist: Name?
Me: Catherine Durkin Robinson
Receptionist: Can you tell me why you’re here today?
Me: I’m getting rid of things that no longer serve me. That includes patchouli oil, loving-kindness, and ovaries.

Me: I’m concerned about this hospital.
Partner: Because there’s a crucifix in every room?
Me: No, because two nurses asked if I felt “nauseous.”
Partner: What did you say?
Me: I told them they mean, “nauseated.”

Anesthesiologist: This is going to make you comfortable.
Me: “Telling you my childhood nickname” comfortable or “Dancing on the tables” comfortable?

Doc: Any questions?
Me: Yeah. I lost three pounds when they removed my uterus and fallopian tubes. How much do ovaries weigh?

Anesthesiologist: Ever been intubated before? Your throat might feel funny for a day or two after…
Me: I was a Catholic girl in the 80s. My throat’s seen worse.

Me: A city is not officially home until I undergo major surgery. I got several body parts removed in…

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The Haven
The Haven

Published in The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Catherine Durkin Robinson
Catherine Durkin Robinson

Written by Catherine Durkin Robinson

I’m a writer and activist. In my spare time, I investigate missing socks. You can also find me here: https://catherinedurkinrobinson.substack.com/

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