HUMEROTICA

Talk Dirty To Me, Baby

I want to feel naughty tonight, don’t you?

Photo by Kelsey Curtis on Unsplash

I dislike the term “dirty talk.” I dislike everything about it. Sex isn’t dirty. So when you talk sexy, you are not doing anything wrong or bad or dirty. That’s just old-fashioned. On the other hand, I get resentful if the first thing that comes out of a guy’s mouth when he sees me naked is something lascivious and vulgar like “Oh baby you got a nice thick ass!” Followed by some drooling and unintelligible grunting. Hey, sorry, guys, I know we have that effect on you sometimes, and I don’t hold you personally responsible for your caveman ways.

I’m here to educate the savage in you and teach you how to interact with the gentler and fairer sex during sex. Trust me, clever innuendo is the way to go.

There are two basic categories of sexy talk — one, before the bedroom, to enhance the anticipation of the sex, and two, in the bedroom, to pump up the volume during coitus. Let’s deal with category one first, which can include texting and other forms of communication.

Innuendo, double entendre

I like a man who sends me a text at work saying something like, “What time are you getting off, because I can’t wait for you to come?”