The Wonders of Modern Tech . . .

Techie who developed new car’s facial recognition lock feature locked out of own car

Prakash, a techie extraordinaire who wrote the code to develop the facial recognition lock feature on his car was once again unable to get it to recognize his own face. Prakash, a dark complexioned Indian male with a thick beard couldn’t comprehend why.

To make matters worse, Prakash said the car’s safety lock turns on and alarm goes off often whenever he gets within three feet of it. When asked if the algorithms used to design the facial recognition features of the car could have been racist, Prakash said “No, we are already working on a better algorithm to accurately identify the race of a person approaching the car.” He continued, choosing to remain blissfully oblivious to the ethical implications of his work and his statements, “Once that’s done the car’s safety features will work much better.”

Meanwhile, the company which Prakash works for announced on Twitter that, like other Silicon Valley giants, it too has parted ways with its Artificial Intelligence Ethics team due to a clash of visions.

At press time, Prakash had finally managed to get into his car and start driving. But he could only drive himself to the end of his driveway after which the car’s autonomous driving feature self engaged and drove him to the nearest police station.