Ted Cruz Flies Back to Mexico Because He’s Freezing His A** Off
“Yeah, I know the optics aren’t great, but I can’t feel my friggin’ toes!”
Ted Cruz announced today that he had made a big mistake by flying home from Mexico after only one day of a controversial vacation during Texas’ big freeze. And that he was heading back to Cancun where it’s 72 degrees and sunny.
“Sure, everybody was mad,” he said. “And I understand. I’m an elected official. I’m supposed to care about the people who voted me into office. But really, I almost lost to Beto, remember? It’s not like Texans have been shown’ me the love. What do they want from me? I came home. Apologized. But it only seems to have made things worse. I miss Mexico.”
Thinking of doing one of those hoverboard thingies
Down in Cancun, apparently, they have these hoverboards that jet out water at a great rate and allow you to ride a few feet above the waves as you’re pulled by a motorboat.
“It looks like kind of a combination of snowboarding and flying!” says the excited Cruz.
A litte worried about Montezuma’s revenge
“Oh boy, wouldn’t that just be the icing on the cake,” said Cruz, when it was…
