Teenager fabricates love of strangers’ children for the money

SILOAM SPRINGS, AR — Sources confirmed early Wednesday morning that Angela Thompson, 17, could not give less of a shit about the young children of a Benton County family despite cooking their dinner and reading them to sleep every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday night for the past ten months.

“If she doesn’t love them, then who does?” pondered Silvia Frank, the family’s matriarch, while downing her third frozen margarita at the local Tex Mex joint. “Their grandparents are deceased, I work full time, and Phil is — well, Phil is not the greatest with kids in general.”

At press time, Thompson was on her way to a Saturday night gig at the Franks’ mumbling “sure, whatever — Avengers is coming out and I need the cash.”