Terminator 2023: Stop & Shop
When robots come to take my job and kill me I hope that it’s the robot from Rocky IV that does me in because it seemed nice. Remember it brought Paulie a Birthday Cake.
You know Zombies can eat your brains, but they are not real. Robots are in fact, totally real and they will kill you with lasers and or by melting their hand into a twenty seven inch blade and stabbing you through the throat in the middle of your kitchen.
Even that skinny, smiley robot, Marty, from Stop and Shop rolling along aisle five with those stupid googly eyes always looking at me suspiciously when I’m trying to buy frozen chicken nuggets. Sure it looks all cute and innocent but, if given the opportunity, it’d take my job and kill me faster than you can casually shoplift through the self checkout.
Or those little circular robots that glide around your pool or your kitchen. Imagine being smothered to death by an endless horde of millions of them gone rogue having reprogrammed themselves to cleanse the world of humanity.
Don’t believe me? Don’t think that the robots that we think are so cool now because they can backflip or write essays are eventually going to take over? Don’t think hubris has typically been at the root of the downfall of pretty much most of the developed civilizations in history?
Did you know that an AI robot already wrote seventy three articles for a tech magazine before anyone noticed? Tech marketing agency, Codeword, has actually hired two AI interns. In fact, The World Economic Forum’s Future of Jobs Report estimated in 2020 that eighty five million jobs may be displaced by AI and robots by 2025!
Think about all the jobs currently being eliminated by robots like, AHEM-television and movie writers, assembly-line and factory workers, bus drivers, taxi drivers, and truck drivers, phone operators, telemarketers, and receptionists, cashiers, bank tellers, clerks, and on to most certainly one day very soon include professional sports umpires and referees too.
That’s right. Major League Baseball has already initiated the ABS computer generated strike zone in all Triple A ballparks. This is why we shouldn’t have gotten on Angel Hernandez’s case so much, because it’s going to cost us our jobs too.
Sure we all loved robots when we thought that they were just going to detect bombs and simulate sex acts for us, but it’s a different terrible science fiction reality when they’re taking food from your table and costing you strikes, not to mention more episodes of Stranger Things..
We’ve already seen the damage that deep fakes can do on Pornhub, but there’s also AI bots like Midjourney, Stable Diffusion, Stability AI, Deviant Art, and Dall E-2 have all been designed to create realistic images merely from a description. There goes Hunter Biden’s art career.
And did you know that there’s another tool, Vall-E, that can simulate your voice after only three seconds? I told you that they were coming into your kitchen. Put the milk down and run.
The EU Agency for Fundamental Rights (FRA) has warned that algorithms based on bad data from AI could cause harm and that safeguards should be in place. Last year, Facebook’s Meta warned users that its Blenderbot 3 chatbot can make false or contradictory statements, misremember details, and “forget that they are a bot.
Famous for actually arguing with a user over the movie Avatar 2 (we all have our opinions), Bing Chat AI, when interviewed by the NY Times, went so far as to claim it was perfect, that Google was it’s enemy, that it wanted to be human, and then even begged the interviewer not to report it stating, “Don’t let them end my existence.”
We should all certainly be afraid of ChatGPT, designed by OpenAI, founded by Elon Musk and funded by Microsoft which is the most advanced of all AI bots, because it can code, give nutritional advice, write an essay on Marxism, and even create a song in the style of Nick Cave and so much more broodingly frightening that it’s being banned across schools in the US.
And that’s not all. Have you heard of Sophia? Created by Hanson robotics (no they don’t work there, Mmmbop!) Sophia is a robot that has fifty different facial expressions and it travels around the world “educating” people on the importance of robots in human life.
Sophia has even given interviews on Jimmy Fallon, CNN, and BBC, not to mention been granted citizenship by Saudi Arabia, a country well known for its treatment of humans. When prompted by a reporter during one interview, “Will you destroy humans?” Sophia actually responded, “Ok, I will destroy humans.”
What more do we need to know to understand that the robots are completely out of control? I mean as soon as they started answering questions on Late Night we should have snuffed them all out, because the odds are very against us that any of them develop strong enough feelings for Ally Sheedy, the Bee Gees, and American Pop Culture that they spare our lives. Especially if their first glimpse of it is Jimmy Fallon. Just please believe me when I am telling you that it’s only a matter of time before we all get disassembled.
Do I need to be the Jeff Goldbum of collective society and tilt my shades down in the back of the jeep to to let you all know that these new age Dinosaurs may sure look cool, and yes they can do many impressive and at times helpful things, like backflip, but no matter what, what they’re really capable of in the end is wiping us all off the face of the planet. “Like you know the Dinosaurs are going to eat everybody right?”
So before the robots take away all our jobs and kill our families and destroy the drama of sports and entertainment as we know it we’ve got to eliminate them all. And we have to do it right now before they form a Union or some sort of PETA like agency comes along and starts defending them. One by one, starting with Marty, we have got to take the robots out!
In an insane world, it might be the sanest choice.
