Dear Rhonda from Rite Aid,
As a frequent customer of the Rite Aid on Route 35, I want to thank you for being the most progressive employee of any pharmacy store in the area. You may not remember me, but I remember you. I’m that woman who bought Monistat, condoms, and a pregnancy test last week. You know, the girl getting stared-down by every senior citizen on line, who kept apologizing the moment our paths crossed at the register. I must say, those dazzling brown eyes and Colgate-approved smile eased my anxiety. After all, buying products necessary for my health is super embarrassing!
With you, I don’t feel embarrassed. If anything, it felt as if no one else were in the room — just you, me, and my feminine products. I heard angels singing the moment you said, “You do you, girl” and “Chip not swipe” in-between asking your boss if you could go on break. Your judge-free energy and aura of sunshine made me feel like Rite Aid was my home away from home. For that, I thank you Rhonda from Rite Aid.
Finding a welcoming pharmacy store to buy your vaginal needs is a challenge worth accepting. As a young, sexually-active woman, finding Plan B and pregnancy tests placed in-between Gerber Baby and Huggies products slightly relieves the pressure of an unexpected pregnancy. After all, how can a young woman like myself have a mental breakdown about a late period if a series of naked, smiling babies are staring at me!? Just thinking about this adorable image makes my uterus tingle with bliss. For that, I thank you Rhonda from Rite Aid.
At Walgreens, the 0% taxed Viagra is displayed next to the 100% taxed tampons. As comforting as that site can be, Rite Aid provides a different perspective. I saw you place the Viagra in-between Monistat and UTI relief tablets the other day, and, I have to say, that is genius! Having your vagina feel like Spongebob gone wrong is miserable, but the thought of a tax-free, temporarily soft penis is ten times worse! Your tact makes any woman forget just how expensive her genitalia is, and, for that, I thank you Rhonda from Rite Aid.
If strategic product placement within the “Family Planning” section makes a woman’s Rite Aid run easy, employees make it even easier! That male pharmacist who tells me to “stay safe” and “get tested” every time I pick up my birth control prescription holds a dear place in my heart. Another one of my favorite once-a-month experiences consists of listening to that teenage boy at register 3 giggle to the beat of scanning the Tampax bar code. That may be the cherry on top of a rejuvenating pharmacy run, but no employee can compare to the empowered magic you provide. For that, I thank you Rhonda from Rite Aid.
Haters gonna hate, but you never hate Rhonda. Only love fills that uniform. And, for that, I thank you, Rhonda from Rite Aid. In fact, I love you, Rhonda from Rite Aid. I love you very, very much. And, I hope you get employee of the month. You deserve that free gift card to Panera.
All my love,
Julia and her Healthy Vagina