That Time George Michael Had His Heart Re-Gifted

Then somehow managed to live for another 31 years

When George Michael died in 2016 a lot of people said it was too soon, but they forget that this was a man who not only lived with his heart on his sleeve––this was a man who lived without his actual heart for 31 years. Considering the fact he gave it away once at Christmas in 1984, and again to someone special in 1985.

London, Boxing Day 1984.
George Michael is standing at the door of the man he’d given his heart to. He’s barely breathing. His internal organs have broken down and blood has stopped pumping through his body. The man has no heart. It’s literally a Christmas miracle he’s still alive.

While giving his heart to someone for Christmas seemed like a romantic gift idea at the time, he’s about to find out just how big a mistake it was.

‘Oh my God! George! What are you doing here? I thought you were dead.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, after you gave me your heart and all.’

‘Yes, about that. I need it back. Quickly.’

‘But you gave it to me. It was a gift.’

‘Yeah, I know, but I really need it back. I can’t live without it.’

‘Ahh, bugger. Sorry George, I actually gave it away to someone else.’

‘You what?’

‘Yeah, sorry.’

‘What the fuck? You’ve re-gifted it?’

‘Well I didn’t think you’d find out, did I? Like I said, I thought you’d be dead.’

‘But, I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying I love you. I meant it. Who did you give it you?’

‘Yeah, that note was a bit much. Pretty sure I gave it to someone at work. It was a Secret Santa thingy.’

‘Secret Santa? It wasn’t a toaster chav. Now I know what a fool I’ve been, but if you kissed me now I know you’d fool me again.’

‘Kiss? George, come on man. We’ve never even held hands. This whole thing is freaking me out. I was super weirded out when you put your heart in a box with the blood and all that, let alone coming around here like this asking for your gift back. It’s rude dude.’

‘Rude? You gave my fucking heart away. I’m really hurt.’

‘Well, I’m hurt that you would ask for your gift back.’

‘No, I mean, I’m really really hurt here. I can’t breathe. My body is malfunctioning.’

‘Oh, shit. Okay, um, listen I’ll call Phil and see if he still has it.’

‘You gave it to Phil? That prick with the sideburns?’

‘I think his sideburns are kinda sexy.’

‘Next year I’ll save myself the tears and give it to someone special you prick.’