The 45th President of the United States Announces his Nomination for the Supreme Court Vacancy Left by Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Hello, folks. Hello. How are you today? Feeling good? I hope so. I don’t want to see any ugly faces out there. Or any sick faces either. This whole pandemic thing is almost over. It’s all disappearing. It’s disappearing right now. And everything’s going to be just beautiful again.
Well, I’m here today to announce my, uh, my nominee for the position left open by the amazing woman justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Whether you agreed with her or not, you have to agree she was an amazing woman. Just amazing. When I first heard she had passed — and I promise it was the first time I heard the news — I felt very sad. They even got it on video. How sad I was. Because she was just so amazing. The ratings for that video were actually very high. Did you see that?
That’s why I knew I had to select someone totally deserving of this seat. That’s what they call it. It’s a seat. The seat that Ruth sat in. Did you know they called her RBG? That was her name. She was like a celebrity or something. I guess they even made a movie about her. It won an Oscar even. I really hope they do that for me.
So where was I? I know. I was saying I wanted to pick someone who was as truly amazing as RBG. And it had to be a woman. We all know that, right? It had to be. For all those beautiful women in the suburbs. But don’t get me wrong. I wanted to name a woman. Sleepy Joe doesn’t have the market cornered on them. I love the women a lot more than he does, let me tell you.
And the one I want to nominate today, well, she’s quite a lady. I mean, you are really going to be so impressed by her. She’s already a star. I’m sure they’ll make a movie about her too.
Her name? I’m getting to that. Don’t start getting nasty. I’ll get there.
So anyway, her name is Yennifer Álvarez Rio. That’s Jennifer, but spelled with a Y. Did you know they say that differently? So we just changed it. Now it’s Jennifer Rio. More catchy, right? That was my idea.
Yennifer, I mean, Jennifer, is from Miami. Did you get that, Fernando? I want to make sure you say that on the Uni channel. I don’t want to see any fake news, okay?
So, this Jennifer, she’s lived in the U.S. all her life. I promise! I checked her birth certificate. I really did! And like I said, the good news is she’s already famous. She literally has billions of followers. On that Insta thing, she has so many followers. I couldn’t believe how many she had. I heard she has more than anyone else in the world. People love her. Really, believe me, they do.
And let me tell you, some people are going to say she’s too young. Some people — and these are not good people, folks, these are twisted people — will say twenty-six is too young. But they don’t know Jenny like I do. We want her to be able to serve a long time. We don’t want her dying on us, right? Also — and I didn’t even know this — but I guess there are no rules about the age. Did you know that? It’s not like she’s running for president. That’s my job. And it will be for a very long time. I can promise you that.
You should see her resume, folks. It’s unbelievable. I’ve never seen anything like it. I really haven’t. She finished college when she was just twenty-one. Have you ever known anyone to graduate college that early? She’s really what you call a prodigy. And she clerked — where did you say she clerked, Kayleigh? Oh, yes, that’s right.
Kayleigh is doing an amazing job, isn’t she, folks?
What was that? Jennifer who?
Oh, yes, Jenny. She clerked with Gorsuch last year. You know, I appointed him, right? He was approved faster than any other justice in history. I mean, it was really really fast. And it was totally unanimous.
But Jennifer — have you seen her? My God, she’s a total knockout. Really, I am not kidding. She looks like a model. She’ll be fabulous on television. I can’t wait to see it. And I mean, who knows? Maybe she could be my next wife. Okay, that was just a joke. I was kidding. Don’t write that down, Ashley. I know you like to take everything I say and turn it into something sick and demented.
So where was I? Oh, yes, Jenny Rio.
But seriously, folks, this is the kind of lady we need. And we really do need her. She loves America, folks. She loves our suburbs, our beautiful suburbs. Beautiful families there. Beautiful people, and yes, sometimes the mom even has a job like Jenny. But when push comes to shove, she knows there has to be someone in charge. You can’t have both people in charge, right? It has to be one person.
She’s very devout too. This Jenny. She’s a Catholic. Did you know that? She prays with those weird beads, but we won’t hold that against her. Because right now we need someone like that, someone on the right side of the abortion thing. That’s what people want. They really do. The polls show it. All the polls. Really. All of them. And we have to have that or those senators will lose their minds. They really will.
So that’s it, folks. It’s Jenny. She’ll be amazing. Just like Ginsburg.
Any questions?
