The 5 Stages of Binge Eating
How a pack of wild raccoons helped me address my binge eating
I have always used food as a crutch. Got a bad grade on a test? There’s always a McDonalds within a few mile radius. Girl trouble? I think there may be some half eaten, expired ice cream from years ago in the back of the freezer I can stuff my face with. Excess calories and trans fats are my tools to numb emotional pain.
While I obviously have remained handsome whether thin or plump, my erratic eating habits make my weight fluctuate wildly.
As an elite (if that’s the right word) binge eater, I have noticed that binge eating has five stages, as I’ve identified below…
A Healthy Start
Days that end in a binge often begin with an excessively healthy start. I’m feeling spiritually peaceful with my food choices, which consist of fruits and vegetables, protein bars, and various other superfoods, all consumed before the sun sets and the cravings kick in. I will pat myself on the back prematurely, proud of my discipline and confident that things won’t go south in the few hours remaining before I go to bed.
The Slip Up
This is what sets off the binge. The first domino to fall that will cause a chain reaction of gluttony. It could be my mom unexpectedly bringing in cookies, me impulsively grabbing something from the pantry, or being offered a slice of cake at a party. One thing leads to another and I have to acknowledge that I’ve slipped up and ruined my otherwise flawlessly healthy day.
All Hell Breaks Loose
This is when the day goes from being imperfect to a complete binge. During the peak of COVID-19, when my mental and physical health was at its lowest, destructive binges became almost a daily routine. My go to vice was mega-stuffed Oreos — not double, but MEGA. I would bike over to Walgreens because it was the only convenience store nearby that carried the mega stuffed Oreos, I preferred. After buying the Oreos, I’d bike over to Coyote Point, a few miles away from my house. I never felt more shame in my life than when the night shift cashier at Walgreens quipped “The usual, huh?” after I placed the pack on the counter. I gave him a blank stare in response. I would be able to enjoy the mega stuffed goodness privately in the pitch black once I made it to coyote point. I was miserable, but the mega stuff temporarily numbed my misery. I could easily polish off an entire package in one sitting — certainly north of 3500 calories (one mega stuffed oreo is 100 calories). On one particularly late binge, I heard a hissing around me. I took my eyes off the mega stuffed for a moment and realized that I was surrounded by a pack of raccoons. I have never felt more powerless in my life. I chucked the Oreos, hopped on my bike, and never looked back until I got home.
Scavenging
My household doesn’t have great snacks, so when I need to fulfill my never ending cravings, I have to either eat my brother’s lunch or get creative. A good place to look is the cabinet where we store our baking supplies. I once ate funfetti cake frosting straight from the package without realizing my brothers birthday was in a few days. He had a frosting-less cake that year.
Shame
I experience shame on a regular basis, but none is worse than after a binge. I will be sitting in my bed with my stomach bloated and all self respect destroyed, telling myself that tomorrow will be the day I get my life together before the cycle inevitably repeats.
