The “Adulthood” Checklist

Many of us would consider ourselves “adults” but what does that mean? Does it mean reaching a certain age? Completing a rite of passage? Getting married? Having children? I say no!

Personally, I think knowing whether or not you are a full blown adult comes down to one thing: A checklist written and moderated by me, Richard, an expert of all things grown up and mature. I know understanding adulthood can be difficult. That’s why I’ve made my “Adulthood Checklist” available to the public. Now you at home will be able to see where you stand, adultwise. You’re welcome.

THE ADULTHOOD CHECKLIST

1. Own multiple shoes, bonus points for rights AND lefts.
2. Know the differences between “Taxes” and “Texas.”
3. Always wear as many ties as physically possible.
4. Object to every wedding you attend.
5. Write a crime novel then actually commit the crimes you wrote about.
6. Solve every episode of Blue’s Clues with ease.
7. Always smell of lilacs and McDonald’s fries.
8. Be able to go without a smart phone for almost 15 minutes.
9. Give every dog you see a firm handshake and your business card.
10. Keep a dream/cream journal.
11. Own no more than 6 cursed amulets.
12. Egg.
13. Always answer the phone with “This is Joe”, even if that’s not your name.
14. Watch Titanic every morning before work to help you get over your fear of boats and naked people.
15. Have driving gloves and passenger gloves readily available.
16. Live with ghost.
17. Buy all products (food or otherwise) in gallon jugs
18. Be wary of geese do not believe their lies.
19. Very rarely travel by wagon.
20. Own only holographic Pokémon cards.
21. Have a secret room in your home for canned sauces and deformed half-brothers.
22. Cry at literally every movie, TV show, or YouTube ad you see.
23. Be able to fight and kill your favorite animal with your bare hands. Crying during is OK.
24. Don’t wear other people as horrific skin suits (unless it’s an emergency).
25. Get a tattoo of your face on the back of your head to confuse witches.

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