The Age of Fake Outrage

To quote Taylor, we need to calm down…on social media and take some real political action

Simon Black
Aug 28, 2019 · 4 min read

Kamala Harris is outraged that Joe Biden worked with known racists to get legislation passed in Congress.

So outraged and hurt is she.

So very very outraged.

It’s a bit over the top, isn’t it? How can you accuse Barak Obama’s VP of being racist?

Oh, but you can actually accuse Barak Obama himself of being an outrageous racist. See here. Yeah, Obama was so outrageous. He dared suggest the notion of personal responsibility. Outrageous! Doesn’t he know that systematic racism makes the idea of taking personal responsibility for any of your actions an outrageous affront?

Well, we liberals might be surprised to learn that climate scientists have recently discovered that all this fake outrage might be causing a hole in the ozone layer.

“Outrage, especially faux outrage,” says climate scientist B. Oringuy, “Causes a release of noxious gas into your environment. Blaming and cry bullying people over non-offenses is the most harmful. Assuming the posture of a victim just to get attention or money is the second most noxious. Finally, pretending to be so hurt when you’re really not sometimes produces a great cloud of methane. That methane is causing a greenhouse effect. We need to stop.”

But we love it so much. How can we stop?

“It’s impossible,” says psychologist, O. Therdullard, MD. “Outrage has been proven to give the largest shot of dopamine to the brain. Even bigger than heroin. When a person is outraged, they experience an elation and a euphoria that is so satisfying and pleasurable that they will never, ever be able to give it up. And we are all doomed.”

Since we will never give up our outrage and we will continue exuding noxious gases through the media and internet every single day without fail, without fail, and without fail, scientists have accepted the fact that another solution must be found.

“There have been several attempts to mitigate the noxious odor and gas of faux outrage with satire and humor,” says climate scientist Y. Etan Otherfool. “It does give a temporary respite and people can breathe a bit. But then the smog of outrage quickly returns and everybody starts whining and moaning like little babies.”

Are we a bunch of babies. Wah wah wah? What happened to the adults?

“The real solution,” suggests dermatologist Harvey Berns, “Is to grow a thicker skin. I have developed a skin in the laboratory that people can put over their own thin skins and they will not be so quick to take offense and cry like babies over every little thing. This skin also protects you against the harmful radiation of quarrels invented by journalists, arguments fomented by cable news people, and shouting disguised as debate. This skin will save us all.”

I am wearing this skin now. Go ahead, I’m sure this article has outraged someone out there.

What did I do? Minimize the urgency of climate change? Trivialize the very real injustices in our country. Mock on the earnest efforts of wonderful people to make the world a better place.

Sorry, wonderful people, you are not earnest. You are disingenuine. And you’re not making the world a better place.

You’re making it a very annoying place.

The outrage needs to be focussed. We don’t need to be outraged at a GAMA host laughing at ballet dancing.

We need to be outraged at the Orange Outrager in Chief, sure. And outraged at the very real issues out there, including climate change, gun violence, immigrant abuse, racism, etc. But not on social media.

The only thing that is going to change something like gun violence is real political action. Like how about fifty million Americans take off of work and march to Washington to demand our leader do something before the next mass shooting?

Instead, we will have another flurry of outraged facebook posts, afterwards.

We gotta get up off the arm chair, get our thumbs off the phone, and get our feet into the streets. Then the outrage can come together in one beautiful chant:

“The people, united, can never be defeated…”

Keyword there, did you see it? United! United! Not snipping at each other’s heels like a bunch of yappy dogs.

Get out there like the ferocious pit bulls we are.

Now is the time for MASS POLITICAL ACTION. Before it’s too late.

If they were able to mobilize a million people to storm Area 51 in a fake revolutionary action, how hard can it be to get millions more protesters to descend on the Trump House for a real cause like gun control?

Say yes in the comments if you would join fifty million people in a march on Washington DC for real social change.

The Medium March! C’mon America, let’s roll!

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Simon Black

Written by

This is not the Simon Black that you know. This is a different Simon Black. He does not work in your organization or live in your city.

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Simon Black

Written by

This is not the Simon Black that you know. This is a different Simon Black. He does not work in your organization or live in your city.

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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