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The Haven

The Big Secret is Out: Trump is a Mind Control Master

He makes Bond movie villains look like good Samaritans

The secret mind control temple at Mar-a-Lago? (Photo by sibi at Pexels)

It’s not the Big Lie we should be worried about it is the Big Secret: how is Donald Trump creating the alternative reality so many people now inhabit?

The answer slipped out like a silent fart during a Fox News interview this week. During the interview, Trump said that while President he declassified classified documents just by thinking about it. Now we know. The Orange Fiend is a master of mind control.

This explains how he persuaded banks that his real estate was worth ten times its actual value. Deutsche Bank executives didn’t stand a chance in loan meetings with him. A few thoughts beamed from Trump, and they believed the crawl space beneath Mar-a-Lago was worth $10 million. They probably bought his fake Rolex watch for a few million. A barrage of mental waves from the master and millions of Americans agreed that Biden stole the Presidential election. Vladimir Putin is a misunderstood good guy — right?

Over the coming months, we will discover the true scope of Trump’s mental powers. For example, the United States has no secrets — they were all declassified with a single pulse from the master’s gray matter. Maybe he classified other documents in the same way. The menu at his favorite McDonald’s is actually top secret. The manager should expect a visit from the Feds.

How and when did Trump acquire these powers? Look to the FBI’s raid on Mar-a-Lago in August for clues. They were not looking for classified documents. Agents with heads encased in aluminum foil to protect them from Trump’s brain waves were looking for the secret temple where he learned his dastardly craft.

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K. B. Cottrill

K. B. Cottrill

Constantly losing the main plot while finding quirkier ones to write about for print, stage, and screen.