The Billionaires Don’t Want You To Know.
Name one fat billionaire? I’ll wait.
(Insert Jeopardy Music )
Gina Rinehart (pictured), Australian mining magnate, isn’t fat. She is average looking. But when it comes to billionaires, that is fat.
Billionaires come in two distinct flavours. Weird-looking Jack Ma, the former teacher who founded Alibaba and Ali Express, among other companies, and became a billionaire and whose facial features look as though they are a 1/2 size too small for his head, leads this category.
Other entrants into this category include the plastic-skinned Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, who looks like an uncle your parents don’t want you to be alone with, Elon Musk who, I don’t know what’s wrong with Mr. Musk, but maybe that’s some sort of skin suit he’s wearing, protecting something from the harsh rays of the sun; and, of course, Jorge Paulo Lemann of Brazil. If you had to draw a cannibal…
The second variety. Comic book villain. Jeff Bezos is the undisputed champion of this category. A man who went from looking like a friend of the bride’s brother, who was invited on the stag weekend so they could get the group discount at the strip club, to the living embodiment of Lex Luthor. The massive clock in a mountain, the bio-tech company, the space travel company, and owning the Washington Post, do not help this image. But at least there is nothing untoward about Amazon, the retailer, that knows everything about you and where he made his fortune.
If I am going to become a billionaire, it’s clear I am going to have to lose some weight. I am also short about a billion dollars.
“Eat less, move more.” That’s what they say. It turns out there are more caveats to that statement than dollars I am short, to become a billionaire.
“You have to eat more vegetables.” I don’t eat veggies. I just don’t like the taste or the texture, and I distrust anything that hasn’t seen the inside of a packet. However, in an effort to eat healthier in recent years.I have doubled the number of vegetables I eat. From three, peas, potatoes and boiled carrots, I cannot stress how important the boiled part is, to six. peas, potatoes, carrots, sweet corn, yams, and some beans. That’s a 100% increase. I defy someone who loves vegetables to do that.
Now that I eat this cornucopia of veg. The very same people who told me to eat more tell me. “Those don’t count.” Never once in the 30 odd years they’d been banging on about eating more vegetables did they say eat these but don’t eat these. They weren’t trying to help me, they just wanted to feel superior.
I also eat something called “fiddle-heads.” They are the unfurled parts of a fern. I eat them mostly out of politeness.
“You’ve Got To Go To The Gym” No I don’t. I went once or twice and realised, “Oh, I know why I’m fat. I dislike exercise. “ Sauna, spectacular. Everything else in the building I’d pay them not to use. In fact, for about eleven of the twelve months of the contract, I did just that.
Several people have mentioned that I need to go to the gym to exercise. Exercise is not synonymous with going to the gym.
I walk three to five miles a day as part of my regular life and often walk a bit extra for exercise on top. No, I don’t do it at a track or at a gym, looking out a window at people walking, thinking “those fools.”
“You can’t eat that.” Bloody Watch me. I’m not going to eat food I don’t like. Veg and fruit know who I am talking about. I don’t like most foods, and signing up to eat foods I dislike because they are good for me isn’t going to work. I will have two mouthfuls at dinner and, an hour later, eat fourteen Twinkies. How long do you expect me to avoid the foods I love?
Cheat Day. Have you noticed how everyone on a diet has to talk about their diet? I have. But have you noticed the one thing they don’t talk about? The cheat day. Do you know why they don’t talk about it? It’s because they really want you to know how much better than you they are. If they spoke about the only day of the week they enjoy, the only day of the week worth living, then they’d have to admit they are no better than you or I.
The dilemma at the heart of all diets is the cheat day. It’s not cheating if you’re planning it, and if your entire week is planned around it, how long can you keep that up for? If you’re curious, my previous diets show that I can keep it up for two hours.
You may be wondering what it is exactly that i am doing to adopt my final Billionaire form.
Good question, glad to answer myself on that one.
I’m not eating snack food Monday to Friday. I only eat at meal times, and I’ve cut back on the number of meals a day. I now eat three, though it’s such a reduction that it sort of feels like I am eating as a hobby now. I also eat less at these meals. I used to eat till I hated myself, now I just eat until I feel sick.
On the weekend, I go nuts. Anything I want in any quantity.
So far, this has been a slow and steady way to lose weight. I lose about 1/2 lb to 2 lb a week. Occasionally I put a pound on, and sometimes I stay the same. But the trend is down.
Except last weekend. Last weekend I gained six pounds.
