The day I misidentified Uvula as Vulva in my viva-voice
and escaped failure by this creative conversation
Teachers of the subject of general anatomy in a medical college are normally the sullen and grumpy types. Maybe dissecting and teaching on the dead makes them so.
As dental students, we had to study the anatomy of the head and neck regions. There were always ego issues with the medical fraternity who used to often look down as us someone who doesn’t have to study so hard and elaborate as the medical students and still earn the coveted ‘Dr’ title. But they were obliged to teach us and we had to endure the dry and unappealing Anatomy to pass and progress into our subjects of the real dentistry.
It was the day of my final Anatomy exam. I took my seat in front of the examiner. For a change, the examiner was not some disheveled, self-centered male (as we normally saw in anatomy ) but a good looking and refreshing female professor. But her look still conveyed that she meant business.
There was a cross-sectional specimen of the head and neck on the table in front of me. And then the viva voce started.
Leaning towards the table she pointed her pen towards the teardrop-shaped elevation at the back of the throat and asked, “What is this?”
Feeling very confident I answered back immediately, “Ma'am its the vulva.”
Ma'am grinned as she slouched back to her seat and said, “Are you sure?”
“Yes ma'am” I replied thinking that she was just trying to cross-check
“You think I am an idiot.” She said aloud “Is vulva in the oral cavity?”
“Sorry, ma'am”, I said and straight away felt I had committed some blunder
“What sorry, your answer shows that you don’t know anything about the oral cavity and your answer is for that part of the human body which I don’t think you know anything about either.”
Suddenly I realized that my overconfidence had confused two different though resonating terms. Eager to correct I said, “Sorry madam this is uvula and not the vulva.” I dropped my face but kept looking through the corner of my eye to see her calm down.
Gathering her composure she said, “Sorry doesn't work, you have done a blunder and I have to fail you for that.”
“Ma'am, please understand it was just a slip of the tongue ”
“Please don't fail me .”
“What slip of the tongue, how come you got confused between two totally different entities?”
“You are right ma'am, I got confused but both uvula and vulva are not totally different,” I replied back confidently thinking that failure was imminent and had to try something different.
“What do you mean.? Now you budding dentist want to teach us the anatomy of the body,” she said with a wry smile.
“No ma'am my knowledge is nothing in front of you,” I replied trying to feed her ego “But still, I will say there are a lot of similarities.”
“Ok tell me whats a vulva ?” she asked straightening herself on the chair.
“Ma’am its a part of the female sex organs ”
“That's quite vague ”she replied with a sigh “But I will take it. And still, you mean to say both are similar?”
“Yes, ma'am in many aspects .”
“And they are?” she asked easing back on the chair.
I answered “Both the oral cavity and vaginal cavity open to the outside.”
“Both are surrounded by hairs.”
“Both remain moist.”and ,,,,,
“And what?” she asked clasping her hands on the table “ You seem right in your comparison till now but is that all you have to say .”
“I have more but”
Seeing my hesitancy she added “ Look we are doctors if you want to add anything, do it. Maybe it prevents you from falling .”
Thinking that she is still hell-bent on failing me it's better I go all out. And thus continued “Ma'am both are organs of pleasure and drool on seeing the right stimulus .”
“Now this is interesting” her smile showing her not so perfect incisors as she added, “And what do you mean by that?”
“Ma'am the salivary secretions increase on seeing food, vaginal secretions increase on seeing appropriate mate.’’
“Ma’am both are gateways to life ”
“How?” she asked
“Ma'am the mouth is the gateway for food which is important to survive and the vagina is a gateway for implantation of seed which is a prerequisite to start life”
“And” she added as if encouraging me to go further.
I continued “Both can stretch and accommodate much more in their apparently small dimensions”
I saw her lips quiver a little.
“Ma'am certain microflora like staphylococcus are common to both and so are some diseases like candidiasis. ”
Looking towards the table she said “If you are done with your similarities can you tell me some of your creative differences”
Looking towards her eyes I said, “Yes ma’am one is surrounded by horizontal lips other by vertical lips .”
“You have a wild imagination,” she said nodding her head
“Ma'am facts along with imagination are going to drive the human race forward.”
“Anything else you want to add,” she said
“Yes, ma'am, these pleasure organs are also the cause of dastardly human behavior”
“Can you elaborate?” she asked realizing that I had more to say.
Nodding my head I replied “A man can stoop to any level to satisfy his hunger. Atrocious Words coming out of mouth have and will continue to cause destruction in both our personal and worldly life. Similarly lust for the vagina leads to numerous violations of women.”
“And from where did you read all this?” she asked as her eyebrows furrowed.
“Ma'am Knowledge is inherent in us . If we just increase our perception and learn from life which is happening around us we can know the truth and the interplay of everything .” raising my eyebrow I added, “That includes both uvula and vulva.”
She smiled and said, “ Don't you think you have chosen the wrong profession, you seem very creative.”
“Ma'am, I wanted to become a dentist to develop a skill that will feed my family. I am not so sure about my creative abilities but do intend to write to feed my soul .”
“Go, all the best for your future,” she said looking radiant and satisfied
The title of this story is the truth when I had floundered some 35 years back during my dental college days. Rest all is imagination. And i would have loved had the conversation taken this way
