Rock Anthem Aftermaths
The Difficult Conversation After You See Paradise By The Dashboard Light
Now that we’ve stopped singing, it’s time to talk
--
Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Meat Loaf, “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights,” from the album Bat Out of Hell
Girl: I guess we should talk about what happened.
Boy: What happened? Baby, we just saw paradise!
Girl: I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Boy: Didn’t you?
Girl: I couldn’t see anything by the dashboard light, and with all the grunting and panting…
Boy: I’m a large man.
Girl: And sweaty.
Boy: You heard my heart drowning out the radio.
Girl: Tachycardia is not as sexy as you think.
Boy: I made it to home base!
Girl: That’s a gross analogy.
Boy: What do you want from me?
Girl: Nothing, I’m exhausted.
Boy: From the sex?
Girl: No, from arguing about it beforehand. It was three hours of back-and-forth.
Boy: The sex?
Girl: No, that was like twelve seconds.
Boy: What’s your point?
Girl: I’m just saying, it wasn’t exactly romantic. Maybe I shouldn’t have parked with you by the lake, especially when there was not another car in sight. That’s not a safe example for other women.
Boy: But, it was cold and lonely.
Girl: You could’ve turned on the heater.
Boy: It was a deep dark night.
Girl: Cars have interior lights, you know.
Boy: We were glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife.
Girl: I was cold, stressed, and uncomfortable. More like squatting on the edge of a knife.
Boy: We had to do what we could, and let Mother Nature do the rest.
Girl: What does that mean? You didn’t care if I got pregnant?
Boy: Of course not, baby. Let me explain it to you back at the lake. I hear they’re forecasting a cold front moving in, with heavy rain and gusts of lonely.
Girl: No, thanks.
Boy: Wasn’t it life-changing, our hurried, awkward sex?
Girl: It was, actually. It made me realize I’ve always been a lesbian.
Boy: Too late, we’re getting married.
Girl: Whoa, what?
Boy: You said you’d love me forever.
Girl: We both said shit. You said I’d never regret it.
Boy: That was before I got laid.
Girl: I don’t think we even liked each other. We just had too many Jäger shots, and…
Boy: All we can do now is pray for the end of time.
Girl: I’m not religious…
