Rock Anthem Aftermaths
The Difficult Conversation After You See Paradise By The Dashboard Light
Now that we’ve stopped singing, it’s time to talk
Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Meat Loaf, “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights,” from the album Bat Out of Hell
Girl: I guess we should talk about what happened.
Boy: What happened? Baby, we just saw paradise!
Girl: I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Boy: Didn’t you?
Girl: I couldn’t see anything by the dashboard light, and with all the grunting and panting…
Boy: I’m a large man.
Girl: And sweaty.
Boy: You heard my heart drowning out the radio.
Girl: Tachycardia is not as sexy as you think.
Boy: I made it to home base!
Girl: That’s a gross analogy.
Boy: What do you want from me?
Girl: Nothing, I’m exhausted.
Boy: From the sex?
Girl: No, from arguing about it beforehand. It was three hours of back-and-forth.
Boy: The sex?
Girl: No, that was like twelve seconds.
Boy: What’s your point?
Girl: I’m just saying, it wasn’t exactly romantic. Maybe I shouldn’t have parked with you by the lake, especially when there was not another car in sight. That’s not a safe example for other women.
Boy: But, it was cold and lonely.
Girl: You could’ve turned on the heater.
Boy: It was a deep dark night.
Girl: Cars have interior lights, you know.
Boy: We were glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife.
Girl: I was cold, stressed, and uncomfortable. More like squatting on the edge of a knife.
Boy: We had to do what we could, and let Mother Nature do the rest.
Girl: What does that mean? You didn’t care if I got pregnant?
Boy: Of course not, baby. Let me explain it to you back at the lake. I hear they’re forecasting a cold front moving in, with heavy rain and gusts of lonely.
Girl: No, thanks.
Boy: Wasn’t it life-changing, our hurried, awkward sex?
Girl: It was, actually. It made me realize I’ve always been a lesbian.
Boy: Too late, we’re getting married.
Girl: Whoa, what?
Boy: You said you’d love me forever.
Girl: We both said shit. You said I’d never regret it.
Boy: That was before I got laid.
Girl: I don’t think we even liked each other. We just had too many Jäger shots, and…
Boy: All we can do now is pray for the end of time.
Girl: I’m not religious…