Member-only story

Rock Anthem Aftermaths

The Difficult Conversation After You See Paradise By The Dashboard Light

Now that we’ve stopped singing, it’s time to talk

James Klein
The Haven
Published in
3 min readFeb 19, 2022

--

Shutterstock Images

Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Meat Loaf, “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights,” from the album Bat Out of Hell

Girl: I guess we should talk about what happened.
Boy: What happened? Baby, we just saw paradise!
Girl: I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Boy: Didn’t you?
Girl: I couldn’t see anything by the dashboard light, and with all the grunting and panting…
Boy: I’m a large man.
Girl: And sweaty.
Boy: You heard my heart drowning out the radio.
Girl: Tachycardia is not as sexy as you think.
Boy: I made it to home base!
Girl: That’s a gross analogy.
Boy: What do you want from me?
Girl: Nothing, I’m exhausted.
Boy: From the sex?
Girl: No, from arguing about it beforehand. It was three hours of back-and-forth.
Boy: The sex?
Girl: No, that was like twelve seconds.
Boy: What’s your point?
Girl: I’m just saying, it wasn’t exactly romantic. Maybe I shouldn’t have parked with you by the lake, especially when there was not another car in sight. That’s not a safe example for other women.
Boy: But, it was cold and lonely.
Girl: You could’ve turned on the heater…

--

--

The Haven
The Haven

Published in The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

James Klein
James Klein

Written by James Klein

My dog thinks I’m cool. Humor in McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Points in Case, Greener Pastures, and others. All of it at jameskleinhumor.com.

Responses (1)