The guys you don’t want on your team

The Florida Who?

Identity theft isn’t a joke, Jim… or is it?

I just don’t see this team winning anything of great significance. Photo from Yardbarker

So apparently the Florida Panthers, or who I prefer to call the Florida Pylons, just won the Stanley Cup. Personally, I’m not a fan of the brand of hockey they play, so I really just want to make a list of the players who were on the ice for their alleged win in a fashion that makes them look silly.

• Aaron EkBALD
• Eetu LuostaPEEIN
• Gustav ForSHLONG
• Vladislav TaraSCUMko
• Kyle OkPOSER
• Kyle STUNNEDlund
• Ryan LomTURD
• Matthew TkaPUFF
• Brandon NONtour
• Oliver EXCREMENT-FARTsson
• Niko RICOLA
• Sam BenNUT
• Aleksander MEWkov
• Anton LOANdell
• Dmitri KuliFRAUD
• Evan WHATSHESAYS
• Sam CRYhart
• Carter VerNAYghe

Weirdly, that made me feel better, even if I would’ve rather seen the Cup come back to Canada. But hopefully we have next year for that.