REAL LIFE
The House of Hamster Horror
Essential reading before purchasing an off-brand rat
If you thought that hamsters were adorable creatures who love nothing more than to munch on veggies, sleep in a sweet little ball and perform acrobatic stunts while hanging from the bars of their cages, I’m here to set the record straight.
Hamsters are savage cannibals!
Do not let their cute, furry faces distract you from their quest for world domination. Behind those beady little eyes is the mind of a killer.
No What to Expect When You Have a Fucking Stupid Pet book could have prepared me for the macabre scenes that have occurred in my House of Hamster Horror.
Nemo
Nemo (not a fish) was our first foray into the world of rodent ownership. We wanted a pet we didn’t have to walk or invest in emotionally. A hamster was the perfect choice for our two young children to learn about pet care and responsibility, and for us to fuck off and do nothing.
We chose a sweet brown and white dwarf hamster that we picked up from a 10-year-old girl, who would mate her own pet hamsters and then sell off the evil spawn. Adorably entrepreneurial (sadistic little twat).
