The Incredible Sulk
My daughter was super excited about having a treasure hunt for her birthday party. We’d been prepping for the game weeks in advance, but as the popular saying goes, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. But since we were neither mice nor men, there shouldn’t have been any problems, do you say? Unfortunately for us, no one remembered to let the popular saying know that.
The goal of the game was to collect clues from all six infinity zones, and the team that solved the clues first, would be rewarded with unimaginable power that would re-balance the universe — a coupon that promised five favours to each child from either parent.
The game was supposed to begin at 4 pm. At 2 pm, we heard a loud boom, and a big bolt of disaster struck right outside our garden. “Oh no! It’s beginning to rain. All our clues will get wet! How will we have the treasure hunt now?” cried the forlorn birthday girl, her downcast eyes matching the sky above. The fate of the game and her existence itself had never been more uncertain.
“Worry not, my darling! Leave it to the Laxative Witch!”, said her mommy, as she wore her rain boots, zipped up her raincoat and jumped to action. “I will resolve this problem in a jiffy. With my superpower of being able to irritate the shit out of anyone, I can make things happen. Shall I try my superpower on daddy?”, asked she. And for every helpful suggestion made by daddy, she found seven reasons why it wouldn’t work.
With idea number seventy-five being shot down by the Laxative Witch, and with her father permanently stuck in the restroom, the future looked bleak to the little girl. “I think it’s time I used my pester power and resolved this”, thought she.
And the happy, peace-loving child transformed into the monstrous She-Sulk in front of her parents’ eyes. “This is the worst birthday ever! Everything is ruined!”, bellowed she, followed by one thousand four hundred and thirty-seven pleas of “Can you please do something to fix it?”
The friendly neighbourhood uncle who had been busy having his afternoon tea, suddenly felt a tingling sensation in his limbs. Hearing the commotion outside, he knew it was time for him to get into the thick of action.
He folded and unfolded his Lungi a few times. With every flap, he could feel a surge in his power. And with flap number forty-two, he knew he’d be able to solve any problem in the world. He opened the door, and stepped out into the corridor, with his Lungi flying about him, and said in a slightly effeminate voice, “With great power, comes great responsibility. This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I’m Lungiman.”
When She-Sulk explained the situation to Lungiman, he told her not to worry. “Use my Lungis to cover your clues. That way, they’d be protected. So saying, he handed her all five of his Lungis. She-Sulk told him there were 6 clues, so he ran inside his home, took off the last of his Lungis, and gave it to her. The little one ran across and placed each clue carefully inside a Lungi, but was devastated when the water seeped through the Lungi and left the clues and the lungis in a mess. She went up to him and told him what had happened. Lungiman looked dejected as he said, “I am afraid I cannot help you. I am nothing without this Lungi”
Aunty from apartment 7C had been observing the goings-on from the afternoon. “Pooh! That Lungiman thinks he can solve any problem in the world. But is it real power when he’s so dependent on his costume? This is surely a case for the Prying Mantis”
Prying Mantis knew the time the friendly watchman came on duty, to the second. She walked up to She-Sulk and passed on her binoculars. “Look through this towards the gate in the East. At exactly 15:04, the watchman will walk through the gate. At 15:06, he will look at the window of apartment 3C where his girlfriend works. He will blow her a kiss and show her the surprise he’s got in his hands — Mallige flowers if it is a Saturday, which it is today. She will come down with the garbage bag at exactly 15:09, and they’ll both go behind the Gulmohar tree. He will come out first, at 15:20, look around to make sure no one had seen him, and walk briskly to his cabin. He will get to his room at 15:27, 3 minutes ahead of his reporting time.”
“Go to his room as soon as he gets there, because he’s usually in a great mood, just having met his girlfriend. Ask him to get his friends to help you — they can stand at each of the six locations with the clue in their hand”, said Prying Mantis.
She-Sulk was amazed with the exactness of Mantis’ plan. She held on to the binoculars and waited with bated breath. She looked at her watch and it showed 15:07. There was no sign of the watchman. “Even Prying Mantis can go wrong sometimes”, thought she. 15:09 came and went. So did 15:11. Unable to contain her irritation anymore, she turned to Prying Mantis when the clock struck 15:15. “Why isn’t he here like you said he’d be?”
No sooner had the words come out of She-Sulk’s mouth, than Prying Mantis realized she’d forgotten one crucial fact. Friendly Watchman 15:27 suffered from a rare form of Asthma called the Thunderstorm Asthma that reared its head when it rained heavily.
“Sorry my child. My plan’s not going to work today”, said a dispirited Prying Mantis.
Just when the little girl was about to give up all hope, her grandfather walked in.
“Why is the birthday girl looking so sad?”, asked the wise man.
“My treasure hunt is ruined, thatha. It is raining and our clues will get wet if we place them outside. How will we have fun now?”
“Calm down. You’ve still got 15 minutes to the party. Let’s make little plastic cones to keep the clues inside. We’ll then shut it with a flap, and place them in the infinity zones”, he continued.
“We’ve got enough umbrellas and caps for each of the kids, even if it does not stop raining. You can still have your game”, he concluded.
“Yay! My thatha’s the best! He knows it all — ThathaKnows to the rescue!”
The time was 16:00. The sky was a lovely shade of purple, and the clouds made way for a blushing Sun, who had just seen what unfriendly watchman 16:00 had done behind the tree. A group of 18 kids stormed across the apartment complex in a frenzy, looking for 6 clues.
Daddy shouted from inside. “You’ve solved every problem known to mankind, but you haven’t told me how to deal with the Laxative Witch. Help me ThathaKnows”
The sound of the flush from the other bathroom let daddy know that there were some problems that even ThathaKnows couldn’t solve.
