The Longevity Fanatic Billionaire Dies In a Car Crash, Wakes Up Yesterday!
As reports from yesterday suggest, a longevity enthusiast Gordon McAlister woke up and is feeling great, experiencing one of the best days of his life.
McAlister gained fame after purchasing a $44 Billion bird costume, which as of yesterday allows him to fly around the earth in reverse and regain his years. However, today, just on the brink of reimbursing ten years of his life, he was hit by a car after an emergency landing in rural Hungary.
In an X sent yesterday, billionaire poses with a green smoothie on the island of Fiji and later stops in St. Louise for a bathroom break.
A ritual to prolong life continues with a 45-year-old taking a dough bath, which has a high concentration of yeast. After the dough rises, McAlister emerges and moves on to the next step of his daily routine. The dough is then baked and given to the poor.
Next comes cardio, as Mr. McAlister likes to walk a couple of miles around his mansion in Colorado. As he once told People’s Magazine, “I fly so high every day, I don’t want to forget how to walk!”
And as of yesterday, he hasn’t!
We reached out to Paul McCartney, but he was unreachable and seemed far away.
As yesterday comes to an end, McAlister has yet to resolve a major crisis, the fact that today he is dead.
