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The News Keeps Coming, And So Do The Jokes
Volume 7 of my running column lampooning the week’s headlines.

Long time readers of my column here on Medium are likely familiar with my personal brand of sardonic humor regarding the incessant slew of wacky antics cha-cha sliding across my daily news feed. Last year I started a series of posts poking fun at the news, in the style of a late night monologue or raving madman muttering to his dog outside the local gas station.
You can catch the first six volumes of the series here!
But enough about the tired, cranky, antiquated headlines of weeks past. It’s time to look forward to a whole new era of absurdity, such as…

Ohio sues Norfolk Southern over train derailment.
Apparently the hazardous chemicals have filed a countersuit on the grounds that they “Don’t want to be in Ohio.”

BBC World News host quits weeks after apologizing for her family’s links to slavery.
Reports are saying she was “Totally owned” on Twitter.

A recession indicator just flashed its loudest warning ever.
Joe Biden was so startled he nearly dropped his hearing aid into his soup.

Trial postponed for fitness influencer accused of scamming thousands of customers.
She was doing an intensive workout routine, consisting mostly of stick-ups.
