The One Superpower I’d Like To Have

You can not guess it

Photo by Marc Schaefer on Unsplash

I strongly believe that a superpower is an extraordinary ability that must help that person (and perhaps other people too) in difficult situations. Super strength helps fight bullies and muggers, super speed help reach the office on time, and super invisibility helps you vanish in embarrassing situations.

But the situation that has often put me in a lot of trouble, especially during traveling, is my unpredictable yet persistent bowel movement. It is an adamant one that once it decides to release the excreta, it continues to build pressure until its demand is met.

I need the ability to stop this pressure from overpowering my senses and decision-making capability. I need the ability to delay the process of excretion by the time I reach a safe and clean place to peacefully release the shit waiting inside me. But my brain can’t overpower many hundreds of centuries of evolution. It can delay it to some extent, maybe an hour or two but couldn’t go beyond that without clenching my butt and standing in a corner, trying to fight the rising agitation within me.

The worst part of excrement is that it stinks. The foul smell does indicate people to stay away from the shit, it also does make people stay away from the source of the excrement. Even before the actual poop comes out, my body announces its arrival by releasing a certain set of particles in the air that disturbs the smell in that area. Sometimes it also makes enough noise for nearby people to get a sense of what’s coming. This also acts as the final warning that maybe the next batch might be the solid (or paste) form, not the gaseous one. I take this warning very seriously and try to suppress it so as not to embarrass myself in front of others who seem to have everything under control.

My life would be a lot more comfortable if I could overpower my bowel movement and control it at will. If I could plan my shitting activity in advance, I could travel more, and I won’t have to wake up before everyone else so that I immediately get a vacant toilet in my own house. Many people in my family seem capable of holding it in for much longer than I can, so maybe it isn’t a superpower but willpower or there is some technique to it. I’ve asked around but most people feel it is an innate capability. But there must be some trick to it. I have gone through the learning modules and tutorials online on how to delay it but everything has failed.

I wonder what kind of chemical or insect must I expose myself to, for gaining the ultimate control over my shitting schedule. In case you know someone who has done this successfully, do let me know in the comments.