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The Republican National Convention Is Grindr’s “Super Bowl”
Sources inside the gay dating app claim traffic increases significantly during the RNC, and it’s easy to see why.
Grindr, the gay hookup app featured prominently in the classic film “Bros,” is wildly popular in the US and worldwide, but according to a company insider, a “Deeper Throat,” if you will, when those wet and wild Republicans convene for their quadrennial suck fest, things get out of hand.
No kink-shaming here. It makes perfect sense. Much like the Olympic Village, the other quadrennial assembly of penetration, the RNC is a congregation of male bodies in peak condition, dripping sexual vibrancy as their turgent members swell and contract with a passing glance from Mitch McConnel.
The mere mention of Ted Cruz is enough to have one ravenously licking one’s palms with uncontrollable passion.
When you put that much cunning, girth, and willingness to initiate without a safe word in one room, well, let’s just say the servers at Grindr aren’t the only things getting overheated.
We’ve obtained exclusive transcripts of some of the Grindr conversations at the RNC. As you will see, the Republicans have worked themselves into an absolute froth.
The following is a conversation between Marco Rubio and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.
Marco000h69 — Height/Weight/Length/Top/Bottom
HotRonBottom — Come on, Marco, you already know all of that, lol.
Marco000h69 — Oh hey, DeSantis, I thought that was you. I was just bored in my room, trolling for some dingy dong.
HotRonBottom — Haha, Classic Marco. Pretty crazy they took a shot at Trump, right?
Marco000h69 — Yeah, he had that pad on his ear it looked so gay, lol.
HotRonBottom — You’re bad…
Marco000h69 — I’m bored. Let’s go to a straight bar and pick up some dirty Wisconsin dairy farmers. I need rough hands on this smooth rump.
HotRonBottom — Gross. I like dark meat, you know that. Give me a Cuban sandwich and put Ronny in the middle.
