The Scene Where the Evil Millennial Man Triumphs Over Ruining the World

Sean Myers
Nov 22, 2020 · 2 min read
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Photo by Javier García on Unsplash

INT. DARK LAIR

Generation X, 51, his superhero suit torn and his face bloody, is chained to the wall of a dark lair. Millennial Man, 30, enters triumphantly.

MILLENNIAL MAN: Generation X. At last.

Generation X is beaten. He can only scowl as Millennial Man paces around him.

MILLENNIAL MAN: So tough. So strong. So… old.

GENERATION X: You’ll never win, Millennial Man. Never.

MILLENNIAL MAN: No? Never? Oh, but I already have.

GEN. X: What more could you possibly want? You’ve already destroyed everything about America.

Millennial Man laughs.

MILLENNIAL MAN: Everything?

GEN. X: You’ve ruined marriage. You’ve ruined the NFL. McDonalds. Home Depot

MILLENNIAL MAN (Wryly): My God, maybe we have!

GEN. X: Movies. Cereal. Beer. Restaurants

MILLENNIAL MAN: I thought we were spending all of our retirement money in restaurants? On avocado toast.

GEN. X: You’ve ruined marketing, focus groups, the basic idea of consumerism. You’ve killed The Lottery. The education system. Doorbells

MILLENNIAL MAN (Laughing): Doorbells?

GEN. X: Doorbells! And you’ve put my friends out of business. Buffalo Wild Wings. J. Crew. Hooters. Harley Davidson

Generation X’s list is soon no match for Millennial Man’s long, loud, maniacal laughter.

GEN. X: What?

MILLENNIAL MAN: Did it ever occur to you, you bastion of the free market and capitalism, that maybe… just maybe… all of these things suck?

A beat.

GEN. X: But the stock market is up and…

Millennial Man slaps him.

MILLENNIAL MAN: That’s what I think of the stock market. You know what…

Millennial Man slaps him, again.

MILLENNIAL MAN: There are more important things than shareholder dividends. Like…

There’s a crash. Millennial Man jumps.

MILLENNIAL MAN: Who’s there? Show yourself!

Generation Z, 17, emerges from the shadows. The others gasp.

MILLENNIAL MAN and GEN. X: It’s Generation Z!!!

Millennial Man pumps his fist happily.

MILLENNIAL MAN: Yes!

GEN. X: Are you here to ruin something? What else is there to kill?

GEN. Z: I just don’t want to get shot at when I’m in school, anymore.

GEN. X: You’re going to ruin guns?!?

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE — NIGHT

GEN. X: NOOOooooo….

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Sean Myers

Written by

Professional legal blogger: 2,600,000+ words. Law degree: Human rights law. Writes about: Politics, humor, baseball, writing, and the law.

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Sean Myers

Written by

Professional legal blogger: 2,600,000+ words. Law degree: Human rights law. Writes about: Politics, humor, baseball, writing, and the law.

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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