The Socially Anxious Curious Person’s Guide to Everyday Life (Including How to Survive Cats)
Thank me later. Or maybe don’t.
As if being socially anxious wasn’t bad enough, you have an insatiable curiosity, too.
Two traits for a happy, carefree life.
However bleak your condition might be, this Guide with an uppercase G will help you navigate some of the most stressful situations of your life.
Calling on the phone if you have no other option
If you have an option, use it. Do I have to say this?
But if you don’t, rehearse. Practice won’t make you perfect, but it’ll at least stop the person on the other side from calling an ambulance for you.
Make a careful choice of words and show optimal levels of enthusiasm even though your forehead feels funny like ants are crawling on it and your heart sounds like an instrument it shouldn’t.
Traveling alone on buses/trains/spaceships
As a borderline abnormal curious person, you want to know whether the person sitting next to you is enthusiastic about books, cats, or cats who read books. But you’re also nervous. So, what should you do?
Run a mental simulation of how things would turn out if you opened your mouth. If the person doesn’t throw their coffee on your face or yell swear words you never thought existed, go ahead and speak. Also, deep breathing helps.
Talking to the neighborhood cat
The spotty cat in the park next to your house gives you angry stares with his alien green eyes. Don’t panic. He’s as socially anxious as you are, but he’s just not curious. You want to know how he does a flip after lunch without puking. Ask politely and wait, but run away if he shows you his claws.
You need to be alive to ask him again.
Talking to the neighborhood dog
Unlike the mad cat, the over-enthusiastic dog outside the park barks at you and breathes hard with her tongue jutting out. Remember, it’s okay to be nervous.
Once you’ve acknowledged this, run.
Riding in an elevator
Enter the elevator at the end, so you don’t have to talk to people and ask where they‘re going and press their buttons for them. There are zillions of other things you can think about(like how to talk to a cat without dying) instead of wasting your time asking, “Which floor?”
Giving a speech
The problem with giving speeches when you’re socially anxious is you can’t have fun. From the start till the end, your insides are on a freak streak. One way to overcome this is to wear dark goggles if you can. That way, you can’t see the disappointment on people’s faces.
If you can’t cover your eyes with black things that make you like someone from The Matrix, don’t worry; the tears welling up in your eyes will make your vision blurry anyway.
