I LOVE NEW YORK
The Trouble With Saratoga Springs
Enter at your own risk
One of the many highlights of Upstate NY is a lovely little city called Saratoga Springs.
The name is an adaptation of a Mohawk word meaning “good place to race horses not too far from the Northway.” And yes, there are many springs where mineral water spontaneously spouts up out of the ground. Interesting place.
It’s a fun town. The place is hoppin’ all year round. While scouting the area for potential habitation, we happened to be there late on a Sunday morning in February. There were people everywhere. On a Sunday morning! The coffee and tea shops on the main drag (Broadway) were so full that we walked a few blocks to a spot that was a little less congested.
But Saratoga has a dark side. An espresso side.
There are tea and coffee shops everywhere! Over-caffeination lurks around every corner.
And the servers are oh-so-friendly. At any time of day, one can wander into one of the shops and be helped through the ordering process with a smile. It’s nearly impossible to explore the town without sauntering up to a bar and ordering a Darjeeling or Sumatra. And of course, one needs a biscuit or scone to munch while sipping. And then another cup…
The risk of becoming over-caffeinated and full of carbs is a clear and present danger. Over-imbibing may compromise ambulatory skills.
One must buttress his will to avoid succumbing to foolish tendencies in Saratoga. Fortunately, if after indulging, walking is contraindicated, Uber saves the day.
But there is an even greater danger lurking in Saratoga.
It starts as nothing more than idle curiosity. Simply following one’s inquisitive nature. But before gaining any awareness of what is happening, you’ll find yourself well down the path to financial ruin with nothing more than the designer clothing on your back and some really unique collectibles.
Yes, friends, Saratoga Springs is a dubious destination for decadent dollars. You will not be able to miss the well-dressed people going from shop to shop to get their fix.
You’ll be mixin’ with the bourgeoisie.
When you shop in Saratoga.
Retail cartels use the town as a base of operations for fleecing the unsuspecting shopper. And even if you don’t personally suffer from the affliction, since relatively speaking every relationship has a spender and a saver, you WILL be affected.
Gee Willikers, but there are a lot of places to shop.
The best solution is to avoid Saratoga Springs altogether. Go to the woods where one can go weeks without an impulse purchase.
Just be sure to have enough firewood.
