The Wait Is Over. Capitalism’s Spotify Wrapped Is Here.

It’s here — a look at the newest lows you hit while pursuing unbridled profits!

You spent a disconcertingly high amount of time defending the revenue from your business model

That’s more than 100% of your competitors in the streaming industry

Your favourite podcaster was Joe Rogan

He drew an average of 11 million viewers per episode, for a total of incalculable damage to the fight against vaccine scepticism

And yes, it’s totally normal for your CEO to lose $1 billion in personal wealth even as he defends Rogan’s use of the n-word!

While everyone was trying to figure out why you offered the guy a contract in the first place, you were covertly removing 70 episodes of his podcast from the platform

Your worst take was ‘I do not believe that silencing Joe is the answer’

You said this even as your pay-out per stream to artists is $0.003. And keeping the rest of the money is your goddamn right.

Your Monopoly Aura

Your top moods are unethically collecting user data and exploiting artists with no regard for their livelihoods

It’s time for two truths and a lie…

Try to guess which statement is a lie

1. You have filed a patent for a plan to constantly monitor user conversations using AI

2. You make top recording labels ‘pay for play’ to place artists on popular playlists

3. You hire producers to create music and publish them under fake names to dupe your shareholders out of profit

(Disclaimer: for all legal purposes, Spotify’s lawyers maintain the third statement bears no semblance to truth)

When it comes to dodging moral responsibility, you are quite the pro…

Your Top Artists

Just kidding. They’re all the same to you, aren’t they?