Trolling the world, so you don’t have to
The YouTuber
Another 900K views for nobody you’ve ever heard of
Yo, everyone! It’s Crazy Corey back at it with the react video! JK! I don’t do that crap. Anywho, for today’s video, I’m ranking my top ten favourite bits that I’ve done on this channel. Let’s get it!
For number ten, it has to be when I went into a Texas Walmart, because everything is bigger there, and I whipped out this coupon that said “Hack a dart in a Walmart and get a free Pop Tart.” It was pretty lit, especially the joint I was smoking. Unfortunately, I was banned from that Walmart for smoking in it, and trying to justify why a scientifically proven unhealthy habit should be rewarded with a free Pop Tart.
At number nine, I have my elaborate Taylor Swift prank. So Jake Gyllenhaal reached out to me personally, praising my innate talent at pranking, and he was devastated by some song that Taylor wrote about him or some crap. I don’t remember the whole story, but I agreed to prank Taylor and make it as insane as possible. What did I do? Well, I performed a complete analysis of her character. I correctly predicted that she would fall for some football player who looks like Chris Evans if his Y Chromosome ate his X Chromosome and dialled his testosterone to 900%. So I hired bounty hunters to hold this Travis Kelce guy hostage in a remote location. At the same time, I manufactured this artificial intelligence to replicate his presence exactly and react as he would when Taylor Swift eventually enters his life. I’ve gotten many high-fives from Gyllenhaal for this, and tracking the activity of this artificial intelligence is an ongoing series of videos on my channel.
For number eight, I have to go with the time I dunked on Pierre Poilievre. I challenged the right-wing politician to a game of hockey, and I destroyed him. What made it more ironic was that my right-shot stick beat a right-wing politician using a left-shot stick. It was dope.
What do we got for number seven? Probably have to go with when I herded a baker’s dozen sheep through the set of American Ninja Warrior. Was it a challenge? Yes. Was it impossible? Almost, but I got each of those little sheep across that finish line in one piece. It didn’t help that Kevin Feige was inexplicably present, emotionally berating me for not supporting his MSheepU. It was certainly one of the most gruelling things I’ve ever done, both mentally and physically.
For number six, I have to go with the Paul Blart coupon. I went down to my local police station dressed as Paul Blart with a coupon in my grasp that read “Dress as Paul Blart, break a kid’s heart.” They wouldn’t let me interrogate any of their prime suspects, but they did let me tell an 8-year old girl that her mother doesn’t love her. Turns out they detained the kid for wielding an unregistered firearm.
Number five has to be when I re-enacted the plot of the song Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega. I found women who had the correct names to suit the names mentioned in the song and everything. Unfortunately, the women were not particularly pleased with how the plot made me look like I was cheating on all of them simultaneously. At least I got to do my spot-on Lou Bega impression.
Number four is definitely when I purchased not four, not two, but nineteen bagels loaded with kerosene from Pete Davidson. He told me that they’re not explosive, but definitely flammable. My insides were torched after I ate them.
Number three has to be a good one. Let me think… oh yeah! So I have to preface this by saying that I’m not a Pisces or a pescatarian, but I once swallowed a six-foot mackerel whole. It was bananas. I mean, I did have to have my jaw surgically removed from my face to have that enormous mackerel go down unchewed, but it was so worth it.
Where should I go with number two? Oh, I know. This is a good one. For one of my videos, I interviewed M. Night Shyamalan, PewDiePie, Bojack Horseman and the ghost of Jerry Springer all at once. Shyamalan kept insisting that something was happening, but Bojack and the ghost of Jerry Springer were starting to get annoyed with him. At least I was able to get in a good conversation with PewDiePie about underwater musicals while all that madness was going on.
Anyway, for number one, the most exciting of them all… but it’s actually more in the works than a video that I’ve already done… I’m vlogging my fifth trip to the Stanley Cup Final with as many different teams!
That’s all for this video, guys! Come back next week when I wrestle an alligator in a vat of strawberry jam while eating peanut butter.
