OLYMPICS | HUMOR
Theories About How Snoop Dogg Has Defied Physics, Attended Every Olympic Event so far
He has been seen at all 231 events
Snoop Dogg has been seemingly everywhere for years. Multiple television shows, several ad campaigns, and plenty of guest appearances. But Snoop has stepped up his television exposure over the last few days. The Dogg Father has managed to attend every single Olympic event, breaking the known laws of time and space.
Snoop was recently seen live simultaneously at five different Olympic venues, one of which was the surfing event in Tahiti, as well as at a recording studio in Los Angeles.
The internet has gone wild with speculation about how he’s been accomplishing this. Here are my leading theories:
Marijuana-Induced Fragmentation
Since Snoop Dogg has consumed more marijuana than any human in recorded history, perhaps he has discovered that smoking ridiculous amounts of weed for such a prolonged period can enable the body to reproduce by splitting in half.
He’s probably had enough weed and time to split over and over by now.
Cloning
While there is still no documented evidence of any successful human cloning, Snoop might just have the resources to make it happen.
By my count, he would have to have at least five clones to pull this off. Perhaps more due to sheer logistics. Several Snoop clones would certainly explain how he has been able to stay so consistently in the public eye for so long.
Wave-Particle Duality
Has Snoop harnessed the power of quantum physics and mastered the art of superposition — being able to be in multiple states at the same time?
Compton College isn’t famous for its physics department, but maybe Snoop picked up a few things while he was there and then funded his own private research?
Sorcery
We already know that he is a lyrical wizard, but perhaps he actually practices sorcery and has chosen this international stage to unveil it to the world.
If so, I can’t wait to see what comes next. Unless he’s an evil sorcerer, in which case we’re all screwed.
A Glitch in The Matrix
This one is the most likely scenario for me. We all took the blue pill, and the redundant Snoops are just a remnant of some sort of Microsoft-Crowdstrike-type Matrix software update glitch.
Holograms
12 years ago, Tupac Shakur appeared in hologram form at Coachella, and hologram technology has just been getting better since then. Could there be five or six Snoop holograms out there sitting next to co-conspirators in the charade?
Time Travel
This could easily be a convergence of Snoops from the past, present, and future as a brilliant marketing campaign. And probably one of the best damn parties in history.
There has been a noticeable rise in Delorean sightings in the Paris area recently. Coincidence?
Look-Alikes
This is a bit of a stretch. Finding one believable Snoop lookalike would be hard enough, much less a handful of them. Still, it’s important to explore all options.
Twin brothers
Might Snoop secretly be a septuplet? This would be a heckuva secret for family and friends to keep for 52 years, but it would explain everything and require no scientific miracles, dark forces, or advanced technology.
Whatever the truth may be, it’s been great to see so much American pride coming from Snoop. And Snoop. And Snoop. And Snoop. And Snoop. And Snoop. And maybe Snoop.
