Things, Besides Crying, That Should Not Exist in Baseball (by a Baseball Curmudgeon)
Wearing your baseball cap upside down while you are right-side up
Cringeworthy renditions of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” unless accompanied by free peanuts and cracker jack
Ceremonial first pitches thrown by someone who throws like a squirrel
Fans referring to a ballplayer by conjoining shortened versions of the player’s first and last names (e.g., "A-Rod" for Alex Rodriguez, Han-Ram for Hanley Ramirez, D-Lee for Derrek Lee), unless that fan has been diagnosed with a disease so virulent his life expectancy can be measured in syllables
Putting a player on second base from the 10th inning on without that player having to swing a bat. It’s like giving teams participation trophies.
Fans referring to a ballplayer by using a shortened version of the player’s last name (e.g., "Sully" for Sullivan, "Rami" for Ramirez, "Gonzo" for Gonzales), unless that fan has spent, or is likely in the near future to spend, a weekend fly-fishing with that player in the Blue Ridge Mountains
B̵o̵r̵i̵n̵g̵ ̵m̵a̵s̵c̵o̵t̵s̵ Mascots
Donnybrooks (rhubarbs OK)
The Wave (If only…)
Players fraternizing during the game with a member of the opposition — they can pass their commodities tips along after the game
Hot dogs that cost as much as a steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse
Players assaulting plumbing in the dugout or clubhouse, unless plumbing is the aggressor
