Things I Was Hoping To Get For Free After Each Of My Boyfriend’s Job Interviews
Nasal lavage, anyone?
My boyfriend didn’t lose his job because of COVID, but the pandemic isn’t exactly helping his prospects. It’s been a very, very, very, very long eight months or so.
He’s in supply chain. Everybody knows what that is now because that’s what keeps toilet paper on the shelves. Before the pandemic, I had no idea what he did for a living and we’ve been together for 14 years.
This is mostly because his job, whatever it was, didn’t benefit me in any way. I’m really just interested in what he can bring home in the way of deep, deep employee discounts or outright freebies.
For example, I would really like it if he worked for Sephora in any capacity. Sales associate, security guard, janitor — I don’t care, just as long as I get the employee discount or maybe the samples that have been pawed over by hundreds of indecisive teenagers. I’m not picky. Urban Decay? I Urban Don’t Care, as long as it’s free.
Some other jobs I’d be happy to send him off to each day would be ice cream taster, Starbucks barista, autoworker, pastry chef, any other kind of chef, and masseuse.
Instead, he has applied at companies that make the following:
