Things to Do While Waiting at the End of a Long, Slow-moving Supermarket Checkout Line

Wait.

Try to mentally construct a Transformer from your shopping cart that wouldn’t have sand kicked in its face by other Transformers.

If you don’t already qualify for the senior discount, console yourself with the thought that you might by the time you’re able to check out.

Play with your food.

Using the divider sticks from a closed checkout line, try to start a Flying Karamazov Brothers routine with someone in the next long line.

Try to come up with a way to shut up Hootie and the Blowfish that doesn‘t involve vandalism.

Pick a local pro athlete, any athlete from any sport. Start a rumor that they’re in line at the meat counter.

Say this, making sure to not use your “inside voice,” to the person in front of you: "I sure hope no one has to pay by check, or has a tale to tell the cashier about something cute their grandkid did. I really don't want to be late for my anger management class."

Use your cell phone to make any needed service calls, doctor or dentist calls, customer service calls, etc. It pays to multi-wait.

Study the cashier's facial expressions and body language closely and try to gauge what they would consider a sufficient contribution to whatever they’re collecting for so you won’t get "that look."

Cheer plastic, boo paper (or vice versa, your choice).

Wait.