Things You Might Find Yourself Wondering Now That You Are A Middle-Aged Rock And Roll Fan
Published in
2 min readApr 23, 2017
- If Neil Diamond is in a bar, and Sweet Caroline comes on, does he do the “DAH-DAH-DAHHHH” with all the other bar patrons? Or does he sit there and hope that none of these youngsters recognize him?
- Will they blast “Stairway to Heaven” at the nursing home, or will it just play quietly in the background?
- Does this happen to everyone’s earlobes?
- Is it possible the Aldo Nova tattoo actually was a mistake?
- Does anyone other than me ever think, “I really am glad Tom Petty is still rocking, but why can’t he have a goddamned matinee show so I could still catch a nice early bird dinner and be home at a reasonable hour?
- Why have I never seen the man’s face in a Viagra commercial?
- Am I just tired, or is the disease that will eventually kill me slowly but surely sapping my will to live?
- Was that thing always there?
- How is it possible that all these years after the invention of Google, I still don’t know who sings that song about the monkey bars?
- How can I ensure that no one will try to fist-bump me, ever again for the rest of my life?
- How do I become a person about whom people say “yeah, but she can totally get away with it”?
- Does Uptown Girl ever get stuck in Billy Joel’s head and if so, by the end of the day does he want to stab himself in the eyeballs?
- Can I buy these panties if I don’t, in fact, have grandchildren?
- Could it be that despite Neil Young’s predictions to the contrary, rock and roll actually is dead?
