This Week In Cancel Culture
The conservative media takes on the bomb-throwing revolutionaries Meghan Markle and Prince Harry
On Sunday, March 7, Prince Harry and Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle sat down for a riveting interview with Oprah Winfrey. Likely the most jaw-dropping bombshell moment came when Markle related an anecdote about how members of the royal family had expressed concerns that the couple’s first-born child would be too dark-skinned. Though the couple declined to say exactly which member of the royal family had made these comments, they did add cryptically that, “It rhymes with Blarles and Blablilla.”
American conservatives, operating on autopilot to push back against any claim that anything is ever racist, took the side of the royal family against the ousted prince and duchess. Conservative blogger Erick Erickson complained that Meghan and Harry were trying to “cancel the Royal family for not being woke,” thus providing further evidence for my thesis that every sentence that uses the word woke is stupid.
Erickson did not elaborate on how it is that the royal family is apparently not up to Meghan and Harry’s wokeness standards, but one supposes it has to do with the couple’s thin-skinned insistence that their baby’s skin tone not be viewed as a threat to the monarchy (so woke!). Or perhaps it was Meghan’s distaste for the racist and unequal treatment she was given in the British tabloid media.
We may never know for sure, but there is one thing we can be certain about: Prince Charles, Camilla, and Erick Erickson certainly have a right to feel threatened by anyone not cursed with their sickly, splotchy, raw bacon skin tone.
Upstart right-wing media mogul and real boy Ben Shapiro had numerous things to say about Meghan and Harry’s Oprah interview. Shapiro called Markle a liar regarding her report that members of the royal family had expressed concern over how dark baby Archie’s skin would be, saying, “I don’t think it happened…because no one says anything like that.” To be fair, Ben, when I was told that you claimed that women’s vaginas are not supposed to be wet during sex, I didn’t believe it because, come on, no one says anything like that. But here we are.
Shapiro also tweeted, “Imagine being Prince Philip: fighting Nazis, helping preside over the UK during the Cold War and the economic struggles of the 1970s, and now watching your spoiled grandson basically call the institution to which you have silently devoted your life a vile repository of bigotry.” Yes, imagine that! Imagine someone calling a bloated group of aristocrats obsessed with pure breeding and bloodlines racist! Imagine the gall of someone pointing the finger at an institution that at one point had subjugated so many Black and brown-skinned peoples throughout the world that it was said that the sun could never set on its empire! Are you imagining it?
In a tweet that I’m sure Shapiro thought was brilliant, the commenter proposed that “The true villain is Prince Harry.” This can be interpreted many ways, but I choose to understand it to mean that Shapiro is upset that Harry would allow his pure and wonderfully hemophiliac blood to be diluted with Meghan Markle’s commoner genes running rampant with clotting agents. A true noble should bruise easier than a week-old peach.
Speaking of damaged goods, Piers Morgan pulled an acrobatic feat when he managed to storm off the set of Good Morning Britain with his foot in his mouth. Morgan, a former tabloid editor himself, had baselessly cast doubt upon Markle’s comments that she had experienced suicidal thoughts due to the stress and unfair treatment she received from the royal family and the British tabloid press, saying, “I don’t believe a word she says.”
When Morgan faced pushback from his co-host, he abruptly quit the show mid-broadcast, tossing his microphone and pacifier on the floor as he left. Later, as so many puffed-up conservatives have done before him, Morgan tweeted that his right to free speech had been violated, appending his tweet with a photo of Winston Churchill and a quote that read, “Some people’s idea of free speech is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone says anything back, that is an outrage.”
Apparently Morgan — who felt free to call Meghan Markle a liar without evidence, but became outraged when someone said something back — did not grasp the irony.