Top 6 Reasons Not to Wear a Lady Gaga Meat Dress for Halloween
Even if you live under a rock like I do, you probably remember the time Lady Gaga wore a dress made of meat to an awards show. Yes, that’s right, actual meat. RAW meat. In case any of you are thinking up last-minute Halloween costumes and are contemplating five minutes of fame as a pop star, dressing as Lady Gaga in this particular outfit would be a bad idea. Really bad. Here are the top five reasons why not to wear a Gaga meat dress:
1. E coli. E coli is bad, mmkay? It’s bad enough when you ingest it. Wearing it is not so much fun either. E coli of the nether regions would not be fun! It also would not be fun to explain to your medical practitioner.
2. Bodily fluids that are not your own. Not even human, for that matter. Certain bodily fluids do not belong near certain bodily parts, unless you are weird (or, in one case, if you are the real Lady Gaga).
3. Rancid meat. This outfit may have been shockingly “raw” when first worn, but imagine what it will smell like by the end of the night. Mmm, tasty. Where’s the bathroom? Can you say HURL, boys and girls?
4. Who let the dogs out? Don’t dare walk down the street wearing an outfit like this! Not unless you like being ripped to shreds by neighborhood dogs, dingos and wild banshees. Well, maybe you do. Do you want your dog biting into something like that? Didn’t think so.
5. Where’s the beef? Where’s the beef? (TM) is a phrase made popular by Clara Peller for Wendy’s. It was not meant to describe a human wearing barely dead animal meat. All night long, you will hear people say things like, “where’s the beef?”, “hey, beefcake” and “since when did this turn into a meat market?”
6. Maggots. Maggots are disgusting in a trash can. They will be even more disgusting a)on you b) in your outfit c) around your house and places you’d never dreamed of for months to come d) all of the above.
Raw meat isn’t for Halloween, OK boys and girls? Thanks! Now aren’t you glad you changed your mind? And aren’t you even happier you aren’t the wardrobe person who had to deal with the original Lady Gaga meat dress after the awards show?
