Top Five Games to Play On Thanksgiving to Help Speed Up The Divorce
Have the attorneys on standby!
Gobble Gobble! The holidays are right around the corner, and with that comes times stuffed with familial tension. Families going through divorce are often in that awkward stage of being together while also wanting to kill each other at any given second. If your parents are dragging their feet during the separation due to financial turmoil or because they need someone to blame for all their problems, then here are five games to play during the holiday season that can help speed up the process!
1. Cards Against Humanity
This dirty take on Apples to Apples is simply a classic. Not meant for the faint of heart, Cards Against Humanity explores vulgar and absurd concepts that’ll be sure to make everyone in the family feel uncomfortable and question why they’ve never thought to set boundaries with each other. When your 13-year-old brother laughs violently at the phrase “Soft, kissy missionary sex”, your mom will instantly gasp and say, “Where did you learn what that is?” and everyone will instantly look at your silly little father proudly smirking from across the table. Your mother narrows her eyes and purses her Mac-covered lips. It’s all downhill from here!
2. Life
The game of Life is a tricky one, especially when marital disputes are involved. Watch carefully as your father pulls the “Get Married” card! Your mother might start to tear up a bit and wish for a better man under her breath. She might even say, “give it a week” as she manifests a fictional divorce AND a real life one! Your mother will then pull the “Start new job” card. A laugh from your father follows as he slyly remarks, “Yeah, right!” Your mother loudly crunches an almond from the charcuterie board she slaved over for hours. This is your family’s Battle of Bull Run. The country is divided and the war is just beginning.
3. Monopoly
Did your parents forget to sign a prenup? Whoopsies! Time for them to take out their financial frustration on the rest of the family via game night! Keep sharp objects away from your father, because when he lands on Boardwalk while your mother owns it, things get a little dicey. If only the Monopoly Man could save them now! Do not pass Go, go straight to the attorney’s office!
4. Guess Who
Guess what? Divorce! Guess who? Your parents! Get ready, cause you’re about to learn a lot about your parents’ previous relationships! When your board gets dwindled down to a brunette woman with a gentle smile, your father might say, “That reminds me of Stacy from high school! She’s a lawyer now.” And then your mother might throw her board across the table and say, “I COULD HAVE BEEN A LAWYER TOO”. She’ll then stomp out of the room and call her lawyer, since the topic is on her mind. You’re almost there!
5. Solitaire
By this point in the night, your family has dispersed due to tension and food comas. Your mother is watching Bridget Jones’ Diary while doing a facemask and screaming on the phone with her friend Lisa, your younger brother is playing Mario Kart and still laughing to himself about the phrase “Soft, kissy missionary sex”, and you are going downstairs to grab some delicious thanksgiving leftovers when you spot your dad at the kitchen table. He’s nibbling on what’s left of a charcuterie board and playing an angry game of Solitaire. It almost looks like that painting of those dogs playing poker, except it’s only one dog and that dog is your dad. You feel a sense of peace in the world, because at that moment you know that the divorce is just around the corner and your parents are that much closer to their much deserved slut eras.
