Top Ten Reasons Why I Didn’t Get the Part

True sagas from the SAG-AFTRA trenches

Photo by Custom Patches By Bob on Unsplash

Greetings, movie mavens! I’m Spyder Darling and you might know me from my Tao Of Spyder series tried and true rules to live and strive by (now in it’s nifty 4th fifty entry installment).

And it all starts with #1 “It doesn’t have to be super perfect. In most cases regular perfect is just fine.” Remember that next time you’re trying to finish your next Medium story or making lasagna. Perfecting your alibi or calling in an airstrike may require extra refinement.

Anyway, in addition to contemplating the natural order of the universe, I also do some background acting AKA “extra work” and am even a member of the, prestigious and hard to get into, SAG-AFTRA union.

But, even with my coveted and paid up for the next six moths SAG-AFTRA membership, work can still be hard to come by. Here are my latest top ten reasons why:

1. I am not a “native-Portuguese speaker.” Really? Since when is that a prerequisite? I like Brazil nuts, Carmen Miranda and samba music. Does that count? That would be a “não.”
2. I am not a “real audio tech.” Hmm, I can connect my android phone to the hotel radio using Bluetooth. That should count for something.
3. I am not “comfortable swimming.” True, but give me an inflatable…