The Haven
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The Haven

Daily Chronicles

Conversations With An Off-beat Toddler

Magical foxes, scary goats, and tomato-flavoured tea

Doodle by author

My girlfriend Jay is a nanny for a four-year-old and, after work, she'll tell me about the off-beat conversations she had with her. Here’s a transcript of four of my favourites.


The little girl points to the grass and looks up at Jay. ‘These fairies are naughty guys because they turned all our things into Scary animals.’

‘What sort of animals?’ Jay said.

‘Bears, magical foxes, scary goats.’


Jay sat down on a tiny plastic table and the little girl began pouring imaginary tea into an imaginary cup.

‘What tea is this?’ Jay said.

‘Tamaro flavour.’


The little girl stopped pouring and looked up to Jay. ‘Yesss,’ she said in a vexed tone as if she was tired of repeating herself.

‘What’s it taste like?’ Jay said.

‘Strawberries,’ she said, pouring again.


The little girl picked up a seashell. ‘This isn’t a seashell,’ she said. ‘Because you can’t fit your finger in it.’ Then she held up the shell.

‘Oh,’ Jay said, leaning in so she could take a closer look. ‘It’s a weird one.’

‘It’s not weird.’ She retracted the shell, holding it close. ‘It’s beautiful.’


The little girl turned to Jay and said, ‘Pretend you’re my daughter and that you love sausages.’

Hi. I’m an author of one fun-sized book (Life’s a Batch), a freelance copywriter at Brew Copy, and sometimes I go on Twitter and Instagram. Oh, and I write a newsletter.



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Jayden O'Neil

Jayden O'Neil


Fiction, humor, essays, doodles. Author (Life’s a Batch), copywriter (Brew Copy), journalist (WA Today, SMH). Perth, Australia.