Trump Backs His Man Jackson

Told aids privately, “he should’ve gone a lot further”

The President remains resolute in his support for Veteran’s Administration nominee Ronny Jackson in spite of mounting accusations against him. The question in Washington, however, is how long before the President throws him under the buss like his other cabinet members.

B.G. Kizzazz, John Kelly’s assistant deputy agreed to speak with me about Jackson’s prospects. “Don’t hold your breath on this one. POTUS has two types. Employees that fragrantly break the law and line up every morning to lick his boots, and employees who flagrantly break the law and believe their job performance will save them.”

“POTUS has two types. Employees that fragrantly break the law and line up every morning to lick his boots, and employees who flagrantly break the law and believe their job performance will save them.”

Kizzazz paused for effect and continued, “The second group better be squeaky clean because 45 can’t wait to replace them with another me. The first group is never leaving. He’ll write an executive order to keep them in office for perpetuity.”

I asked if Kizzazz thought his job was secure. “Hell, no. I work for Kelly. Being two steps removed, 45 doesn’t know I exist. If the press finds out Mike Flynn used me as a courier to deliver his secret messages to Putin, Then I’ll be one of the good guys.”

“Didn’t the President keep Pruitt because he does his job?” I asked.

Kizzazz excused himself from the room. He laughed outside the door for fifteen minutes. When he recovered his composure, he returned to answer my question. “If the President told Pruitt to sink the Congress in a toxic swamp and seal it with plutonium, Pruitt would pump sulfuric acid into the muck. He could bankrupt the EPA, land his picture in the paper getting hand-jobs from Lobbyists and stil keep his job.”

“If the President told Pruitt to sink the Congress in a toxic swamp and seal it with plutonium, Pruitt would pump sulfuric acid into the muck. He could bankrupt the EPA, land his picture in the paper getting hand-jobs from Lobbyists and stil keep his job.”

To answer my mounting skepticism, Kizzazz loaned The Haven a copy of an .mp3 file circulating staff computers. “It’s his discussion with my boss about Jackson. You’ll see.”

The Haven verified the voices belong to Kelly and POTUS. We can’t verify Kizzazz’ claims to have been a Flynn courier. If those records are opened at Flynn’s trial, however, remember who reported it first.

Transcript of the Jackson Meeting

Kelly: I’m sorry we didn’t find this in before the furor started.[1]

POTUS: You should be sorry they didn’t dig more up on you. Our ratings would have gone through the room, and maybe we’d have let you into the club.

Kelly: Probably for the best.

POTUS: You need to let loose. Have some fun. Grab all the gusto you can get. If you catch my drift.

Kelly: These are serious allegations if they’re true.

POTUS: Ronny could’ve gone a lot further. This was peewee league stuff. I sent him a box of Cubans and said if he wanted to make it to the big leagues he needs a bigger scandal. I even offered a training session with Rob Porter.

“Ronny could’ve gone a lot further. This was peewee league stuff. I sent him a box of Cubans and said if he wanted to make it to the big leagues he needs a bigger scandal.”

Kelly: That’s what I was afraid of.

POTUS: Give him time. We’ll bring him around.

Kelly: I’m sure you will, sir.

POTUS: Seriously. All he did was bang on that girl’s door? He didn’t nail her?

Kelly: No, sir. He didn’t.

POTUS: What’s the problem? Was she a three-bagger?

Kelly: A three-bagger, sir?

POTUS: You know. You gotta put three bags over her head before the pork will rise?

Kelly: No, sir. As far as I know, she’s a perfectly attractive girl.

POTUS: I’ll have to talk with the man. Make sure he goes the distance, next time. No ‘also rans’ on my staff.

Kelly: I was afraid you’d say that.

After this section the President and Kelly resumed normal business including as how to start a war with Iran, how to sabotage the Korea talks and make it look like Kim’s fault, and permit businesses to load so much carbon into the air the Paris Accords would never succeed. One thing is clear, however, the President wants a man with Jackson’s low moral standards to help him drain the Washington swamp and replace it with a cesspool.

[1]: In an earlier recording, Kelly asks the President directly, “Shouldn’t we vet Jackson? No one’s given him a look since the Bush Administration.”