TRUMP UNIVERSITY:

American History 101

Syllabus

COURSE DESCRIPTION: This course will explore the history of The United States of America, from its inception in 1777 to the current era (referred to heretogoingforth as AT, or After Trump). This course will utilize many methods to guide students through the carnage of America BT (Before Trump). These methods will include: term papers, projects, diorama building, Morning Joe marathons, macaroni necklace construction, trips to golf courses (aka the bedrock of democracy), and various homework assignments to help guide students through the lerning experience. Students are expected to complete all assignments taught by our Master TrumpStorians™, many of whom gave up their jobs as Sandwich Artists at Subway in order to promote lerning. Nobody understands history better than our professors, believe me.

TEXTBOOKS (must be purchased directly from souvenir kiosk in Trump Tower lobby):

The Best Golf Advice I Ever Received (Crown, 2005)

Trump: How to Get Rich (Random House, 2004)

Trump: The Best Real Estate Advice I Ever Received (Thomas Nelson, 2006)

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to American History (5th edition)

GRADING SCALE

67–74 = A

42–89 = B

96–97 = C

1–110 = D

-13–8 = F

32–30= G

COURSE SCHEDULE

SEMESTER ONE

1ST Half

THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION

Subjects to be discussed include:

· Steve Revere’s Midnight Ride

· The Battle of Lexington, Park, and Madison

· George Washington: the most successful field commander of all time (BT)

· “I Cannot Tell a Lie”: Who said it: George Washington, Donald J. Trump, or Alex Jones?

Term Paper Topic: What strategy would Jared Kushner have used to end the Revolutionary War sooner? Also, discuss how Britain should currently be under U.S. rule.

Semester One: 2nd Half

THE CIVIL WAR

Subjects to be discussed include:

· Andrew Jackson: The man who singlehandedly turned the tide of the Civil War

· Why did slaves not run away? Were conditions better than the Mainstream Media would have you believe? (bonus: include recipe for your favorite chocolate cake)

· Abraham Lincoln: which book of Donald Trump’s was most instrumental in helping Lincoln govern?

· Why has the Mainstream Media never covered the Civil War?

· Pocohontas: hero of the Northern Rebellion

Project: Build your own, working underground railroad using popsicle sticks, MAGA hats, and Pepe the Frog masks.

SEMESTER TWO

1st Half

THE GREAT WARS

Subjects to be discussed include:

· Archduke Ferdinand: Cuck? Discuss.

· Name 8 ways Barack Obama could have avoided starting World War 1.

· Adolf Hitler: tough cookie. Bake your own Hitler cookies to share in class.

· Project: Take the Churchill bust on display in the Oval Office and photograph it in front of a minimum of 12 international Trump properties.

Term Paper: The Allies were lost until Ivanka Trump began designing gear for our military. Write a 10,000 word essay, using only Twitter, detailing the effects this legendary businesswoman has had on the American military.

2nd QUARTER

THE ROAD TO TRUMP

Subjects to be discussed include:

· Why did the United States bother holding elections after Donald J. Trump was born?

· If Martin Luther King, Jr. was so influential, why does Donald J. Trump have millions more followers on social media?

· Project: Draw your interpretation of Louis Armstrong’s famous moon landing. (bonus: use only orange crayons)

· Muhammad Ali and Billy Bush: American martyrs.

Final Exam: Expect to cover the first 500 years of American history, dating from the pilgrims’ disembarking at Little Rock to when America Became Great Again. (bonus: choose which vegetable you believe most accurately represents Donald J. Trump’s penis)

Jason Pinter is the Founder and Publisher of Polis Books, an independent press he founded in 2013. He is the author of five novels and one children’s book, and has written for Esquire, The New Republic, Entrepreneur, The Daily Beast, The Huffington Post, and more. Follow him at @JasonPinter. He did not do his learning at Trump University.