Trump’s Last Day Thoughts

Even the paintings don’t seem to believe it. Take us with you sir, I heard them whisper

I can’t believe that my last day is already here. It really snuck up on me all of a sudden. Even the paintings in the White House didn’t seem to believe it. Take us with you sir, I heard them whisper. Maybe I will. Obama’s smug portrait did shout ‘you can’t do that’ to which I replied ‘Yes we can’. We’ll drill holes into the walls and make Eric and Jared put on some old fashioned wigs and stand still on the other side with their heads between the frames. Sleepy Joe won’t notice anything. Besides Jared with a wig would anyways look like that creepy president whose name you can’t remember.

I’ll take along some wonderful memories as president. The nuclear flirt with the Rocket Man of North Korea. Throwing candy at Angela Merkel. Blocking the flush with my presidential dump at Trudeau’s house. That was an immigrant his ass didn’t like too much. Playing truth and dare with Putin was also fun. Once Melania was also within earshot and I had a feeling that the sly son of a KGB was gonna ask me when Melania’s Birthday was, so I shrewdly picked dare. Well, let’s just say Iran wasn’t too happy after that. The fake news sometimes says my foreign policy wasn’t coherent. They don’t understand how consistent it was with Melania’s movement around me.

The last few weeks got sad though. Our own Vice President decided to prove his loyalty to the country. The Judges I appointed turned their backs to me. I gave all these guys their big break. They were like the Joe Pesci of Home Alone. I made them the Joe Pesci of Goodfellas. But they really got into character and broke a bottle over my head.